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Work-at-home mom: take a deep breath and Do Life Different as you allow these devotions for work-at-home moms to fill the vacuum of your needy heart in the chaos of your busy world.
 
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Aug
24

Time with your husband? Interruption – or opportunity?

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by Julie Sibert

Finally. It’s 9:30 p.m. and it’s finally quiet in my house. With the kids in bed, I think, “Finally, I can get some work done, free of interruptions.” But then an interruption shows up – in the form of a husband who wants some alone time with his wife. Ever have this happen?

Herein lies a bit of a challenge for us work-at-home moms, who often use the hours between kids’ bedtimes and our own to tackle the work that eludes us during the day.

So is alone time with said husband really an interruption – or an opportunity? I must decide in that moment. I’d be selling you a bill of goods if I said these are always easy choices. Like many of you, my boundaries on where work ends and home life begins don’t just get blurry; they often just disappear (like wayward baby socks).

Ignoring your spouse’s advances in favor of work is tempting, but consider these points:

Why did you want to be a work-at-home mom? Was it simply so you could spend more time with your kids? Or was it so you could build a life that was fulfilling on many fronts? There is an old saying that goes like this: “If momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” I think a more accurate description of what is happening in many homes would be this: “If momma and daddy aren’t in sync, nothing’s in sync.”

Instead of seeing attention to your marriage as an afterthought, begin to view it as foundational. A healthy marriage makes the work-at-home gig not just more doable, but more enjoyable. Certainly when you began working at home, your vision didn’t include a mediocre marriage.

Make peace with the fact that life is messy. This is a toughie. I occasionally drool over the neatly-organized house beautifully depicted in the magazine spread. And the headlines on the cover taunt me: 50 Ways to Simplify Your Life, 20 Meals in 20 Minutes, Easy Steps to Organize Your Kids’ Photos (all 7,000 of them. Thank you digital photography).

But we don’t live in magazine spreads or headlines. We live in the real world, where life is squirming with loose ends, empty milk jugs and a baseball uniform that is buried in the laundry pile (rather than crisp and clean for the game that starts in…uh…45 minutes).

You don’t just get my point. You live it. So, instead of feeling perpetually beaten down by life’s messiness, why not make peace with it? Nurturing your marriage can’t be an activity that hangs out on the backburner for years, while you convince yourself that there will be plenty of time “someday” for you and your husband. Nurture now, amidst the mess and chaos.

Build teamwork with your spouse. Like a lot of women, I can easily slip into this mode of thinking that I am running the show and calling the shots. I know about the permission slips that need to be signed, the birthday cards that need to be sent and the car insurance that needs to be renewed. Sadly, though, too much of this mindset on the part of a wife can leave a husband feeling like a third-string benched player, just begging for an opportunity to be a part of the game.

Have a heart-to-heart talk with your husband and together figure out how to make intimacy a much higher priority. Only the two of you will know what it is going to take to be a team – to encounter intimacy struggles and find solutions together. Can you designate nights where work is off-limits? (I’m not naïve. I know this isn’t easy. I’m just encouraging you to start counting the costs).

The next time your husband approaches you because he desires to be with you, will you see it as an interruption – or an opportunity? Even small steps in the direction of health can build big momentum. Your marriage is worth it.

About the Author
Julie Sibert is a writer and speaker on sexual intimacy in marriage. You can follow her blog at www.IntimacyInMarriage.com, where you can also sign up for her free eNewsletter. She gives away a sex/marriage book every month. You can also follow her on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/IntimacyInMarriage and on Twitter @Intimacy4Life. She lives in Omaha, Neb., with her husband Randall, their two boys, and one rambunctious German Shorthair Pointer puppy.

Comments

  1. […] recently wrote a post on her site titled Time with Your Husband — Interruption or Opportunity.   While the message is geared to work-at-home moms, I do think there are nuggets of truth in it […]

  2. […] The Romantic Vineyard: Meet Chad and Sarah Markley Julie Sibert as a guest author on CWAHM: Time With Your Husband? Interruption or Opportunity? Gwen in Love: The Art of Seduction The Dating Divas: The Power of Invitation Happily Married After: […]

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