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Sep
13

Teaching Your Kids to Be Perfect

By

Carey Scott - Raising Godly Children bloggerperfect childAre you raising your kids to be perfect?

Are you teaching them that mistakes are unforgivable?

Are your kids scared to tell you when they mess up?

When they miss the mark, does their offense carry a great penalty?

Be careful.

Our job as parents isn’t to raise perfect people.  It’s to teach and train our kids to be respectful, compassionate, caring, mindful, engaging, healthy, Godly, and honest adults.

Raising a “perfectionist” is a dangerous game.  Why?

Because in their minds, they will never be good enough.  And on top of that, nothing will ever be good enough for them.

That breeds discontentment.

Discontentment leads to a lifelong pursuit of a happiness they will never attain… or sustain.

I want my kids to know that everyone and everything in life is imperfect.  I want them to have realistic expectations of themselves and others.  I want them to know that true happiness isn’t something the world can (or should) give them.

Do I expect honest effort?  Yes!

Do I ask them to go the extra mile in certain areas?  Most definitely.

Do I promote or allow the easy way out or laziness?  No way.

Do we set goals and push our kids from their comfort zones?  Of course.

Do my kids receive rewards and consequences accordingly?  Without a doubt.

But… my husband and I are very intentional in making our family a place for grace, acceptance and forgiveness.   We are okay with messing up.  We want our kids to fail while under our roof so we can walk them through it, teaching them that failure is just a part of life.

It doesn’t define them.

We want them to understand that true happiness … true identity… true acceptance can only be found in a relationship with Jesus Christ.

Not the world.

They need to know that while the world will never be happy with who our kids are, what they look like, the amount of money they make, the career they choose, the friends they keep… God will.

God is.

And because God is happy with them, our kids can be happy with themselves… too.  They can adopt a healthy self-esteem that has nothing to do with the world’s standard of… perfection.

The goal being that our children will see themselves as God sees them.

“I will give thanks to you because I have been so amazingly and miraculously made. Your works are miraculous, and my soul is fully aware of this.”  Psalms 139:14

Sisters, teaching our kids to be perfect sets them up to struggle in life.

As parents trying to raise Godly kids… be careful not to teach it, model it, or expect it.

Instead… let’s purpose to impart grace, acceptance, and love.

Always.

 

About the Author:
Carey Scott is an inspirational speaker and writer, honest about her walk with the Lord, stumbles, fumbles and all.  She loves to challenge women to be real and authentic. Through her blog she encourages women to stop living a mediocre, risk-free life and instead step onto the battlefield.  She is a weekly blogger on CWAHM and serves as the Wednesday host on the Moms Together Facebook community. Carey is also a member of the speaking and writing team for LeadHer.  She and her husband live in Colorado with their two kids.

Comments

  1. Jeanelle says:

    Gosh it’s hard to admit how much I am faulty in doing this. Thank you for this – my family thanks you for this truth – and the Lord thanks you for challenging my un-christlike thinking! This feels like an attack plan that was taken from the enemy and exposed to me today. Thank you for challenging my thoughts and actions towards my kids today!

  2. Carey Scott says:

    Jeanelle, it’s such an easy trap to fall into and such a dangerous one. This challenges me, too!! Thanks for your comment today… 🙂

  3. Love this! I’m always defending my right to be “easy” on my son when he messes up. I don’t freak out over every little mistake. And I’ve noticed he willingly comes to me and admits when he’s messed up. We talk about it. And, yes, sometimes there’s a punishment, but it’s depending on what he did vs everything needs a consequence. And he often will not own up to mistakes to others in my family (grandma, aunts, uncles, etc.) because he knows they more often than not make a huge deal over everything. And while he often hides it or even fudges the truth with them, he almost always confesses to me what really happened as soon as we are alone.

  4. Hi Carey!

    I couldn’t resist popping in over here and reading the rest of your post! My boys are men now and as a mom of adult children I have the blessing and the curse of looking at parenting from the rearview mirror of my life.

    I messed up a lot as a mom, but I’m thankful I tried to be sure to give my boys room to grow and room to fail.

    I loved how you stated that you and your hubby try to make sure your home is a, “place of grace.”

    Great post and beautiful words of wisdom Carey!

  5. Carey Scott says:

    Shannon, sounds like you have created a great environment for your son to mess up. You are setting your son up for great success! Keep up the good work!

    Stephanie, great to hear from you! What an interesting opportunity you have to look back on your parenting… see the good and the bad. I’m sure that while there are some things you wish you could change, you also see how God led you to raise amazing boys.

    Be blessed, both of you!

  6. Kim Berg says:

    Carey, this hits close to home today. Do you have any tips or advice on how to stay on course with realistic expectations? Any help is appreciated.

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