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10 Seconds to Say Yes to God


Pam Bass, When Marriage Matters bloggerI recently read a book entitled, “The 10-Second Rule:  Following Jesus Made Simple” by Clare De Graaf.  A great book which I highly recommend.  It’s basic premise is just like the title:  just do the next thing you’re reasonably certain Jesus wants you to do.  That simple.  So, I thought, how can I apply this to my marriage? Well, simply to ask myself this question: “What’s the next reasonable thing Jesus would want me to do in this situation or conversation or for my husband?”

Say yes by Pam Bass

Now, please don’t check out this next part, though you might be tempted to. When it comes to marriage, God has not left us wondering; He has told us several things to do:

Genesis 2:24: “This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.”  This is the Leave & Cleave Rule of marriage: be united to your husband; change your loyalty to him.  A godly wife can still honor and love her parents, but her allegiance has changed from her family tree origins to her new family tree.  (Our husband, likewise, should be joined to us in the same way, and leave his  original family).  Her emotional support and ties are to be directed towards her husband, not her mom or sister or best friend anymore.

We wives must respect our husband.  This is easier than it sounds! This biblical truth needs much prayer, as most of us women will have a hard time with it.  I don’t think we value respect as much as men do.  They have a “Respect Radar” that is always on; we have a “Love Radar” that is always on.   I think that’s why Paul told husbands 3 times to love their wives in Eph. 5.  We’re always on the look out for love while our husband is on the lookout for respect, so Paul tells us to respect our husband in Eph. 5: 33: “So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”   A good book on this is by Emerson Eggerichs: Love and Respect.

A pretty clear and good marriage manual is found in 1 Cor. 13:4-7: “Love is patient, kind, not envious or boastful; is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth; does not seek its’ own way; it bears  all things, believes all things, hopes all things and endures all things.  Love never ends.” None of these is that crazy is it?

The bible also has tons of verses on our speech which I’ll talk about in a future blog.

So, getting back to the 10-second rule, is the next thing I’m about to do or say  respectful of my husband? His thoughts, his ideas, his plans, his position as head of our family? Am I being patient? Kind? I’ve often wondered why Paul started with patience.  It irritated me quite frankly as a young woman and wife.  Patience and being in your 20’s or 30’s do not really go well together, do they?. They didn’t for me.  My mouth was always very quick to speak out against my husband.  I have learned patience by watching him all these years. And by using duct tape.  Duct tape is pretty icky on one’s lips.  I’d repeat to myself: duct tape, duct tape, duct tape.  I had to be quiet and listen more to my husband, to God, and to my children.

So ladies, hang in there! Keep asking God for strength to respect your husband.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:  Pam Bass is a wife, mom, and licensed Christian counselor, who has helped hundreds of people over the last 23 years.  She desires wives especially to be cognizant of the way the American culture can influence our stated Christian values.  Through her blog, she hopes to encourage women (in particular) to  know and trust what God tells us in His word.  Find out more at   


  1. Pam, I’m honored that you found my book, “The 10 Second Rule” helpful. And I really love that you recommended using it to speak more respectfully to husbands. I’ve been married 45 years and wish I’d discovered “the Rule” years ago. Keep up the great blog!

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