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Too Little Too Late?


pam-toolittleI was thinking about my previous post about perseverance in marriage. I was pondering a situation where a husband has neglected his wife, and now she is done with him. She’s endured him telling her how she feels, what to think, what to do, etc. for too long now. She’s wants a divorce. He’s surprised to say the least, but wants to save his marriage.

So, now he’s trying and he’s going over the top. With everything: More compliments in one week, than in the last 10 years. More gifts, cards, and flowers than ever before. You can see he is desperate.

But I can’t help but think he is trying too much.

It’s like not watering your garden for 10 years, and then figuring out it’s bone dry, and pouring Niagara Falls on it, trying to save it. But what you ended up doing is flooding it. Killing it. Nothing can grow (I think) in 3 feet of water. {Perhaps, rice? A farmer I am not!}

So, is he loving her too much? Or is it a case of negligence? Lack of attention to the state of affairs in his own marriage? Is he going to be another number in the category of “Too Little Too Late?” Perhaps, it will be “too much” in his case, I dunno. What I do know, is that it is a good idea to pay attention to your marriage, your health, and your children. Please don’t say, “I know I should, but I’ve been busy” or “I’m too busy”. If you say that often enough, you too, may end up in that sad category.

This situation reminds me of that old song by Harry Chapin, Cats in the Cradle, back in the 70’s. I know, its scary–some of you weren’t even born then! See, how time flies? The song follows a young boy who asks his dad if he’ll play catch with, teach him how to throw, etc. But the dad is always off to work, too busy to stop and play, or spend time with his son. The young son promises to be “just like you dad”. The dad always promises, but doesn’t seem to get around to it.

By the time the dad wants to spend time with his son, the son is coming home from college and wants to borrow the car and he has no time for his dad. It ends sadly: now retired (and presumably having all the time in the world), the dad realizes “my boy was just like me, he’d grown up just like me”.

The dad failed to invest TIME in his relationship and now has a weak relationship with his son. The son responds to his dad’s request for time with “I’d love to dad if I could find the time, but the new job’s a hassle and the kids’ got the flu, but it’s sure nice talking to you.” The dad’s plans to get together never seem to materialize.

Saying you love someone, but failing to act on it often, will lead to a similar fate in marriage, I believe.


ABOUT THE AUTHOR:  Pam Bass is a wife, mom, and licensed Christian counselor, who has helped hundreds of people over the last 23 years.  She desires wives especially to be cognizant of the way the American culture can influence our stated Christian values.  Through her blog, she hopes to encourage women (in particular) to  know and trust what God tells us in His word.  Find out more at

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