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Sep
28

The Flintstones teach BOUNDARIES IN MARRIAGE

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I’ve couplebeen thinking a lot about the sanctity of marriage. I’ve thought about friendships with the opposite sex and how that has changed over the past decade or so.

Having friends while married is a good thing I believe, for both men and women. I think of the cartoon, The Flintstones, and watched it while growing up.

Fred’s best friend was Barney, who he could to talk to, go to the lodge with, and go bowling. Wilma had Betty to chat with, cook with, and to watch Pebbles if she had to go to the quarry.

It was healthy.

They lived life together, played together and were around one another a lot. They were also separate: two different marriages with four unique but different individuals.

But I don’t recall Fred ever going somewhere alone with Betty, nor Barney with Wilma. Why not? Well, for one thing, I believe they, cartoon characters notwithstanding, respected each others’ spouses and the boundaries inherent in a healthy happy marriage.

Trouble will come when one spends too much alone time with the opposite sex. Even if you are their best friends.

Lest you think I am from the dinosaur age, I am not! However, when I hear of a spouse spending more time away from home, away from their spouse, I start to hear “Danger, Danger!” (from Lost in Space series-another old favorite of mine). Danger can and often does come.

So, consider these warning signs and ask yourself these questions:

* Would you want your spouse to __________ {whatever you’re doing with a member of the opposite sex, texting, talking, having weekly or often coffee/lunch/meetings, etc.} ?
* Would you advise your best friend to do what you’re doing?
* Are you spending more time with your spouse than __________ ?
* Would your grandmother approve of your behavior/speech/thoughts?
* Would your pastor/bible study leader counsel you to keep doing ___?

If you’ve answered no to those questions, be forewarned! Trouble has arrived at your doorstep. Reconsider now!

If you answer yes to these 2 questions, you are seriously in deep doo-doo:
* Do you find yourself thinking of him often during the day, wondering what he’s up to?
* Do you go out of your way to call or text him or go to the gym, when you know he’ll be there?

Now is the time to flee this temptation!

After God, my husband is numero uno on my list of priorities. He comes first, not last. Above my children, my work, my ministry. All my time, money and energy goes to him, not my leftover time or energy. I think sometimes we women try and be Super Mom or think we need to do 20 things on our To-Do-List, and then we have little or no energy left for our husband.

Emotional affairs can and usually do end up to be sexual affairs. A simple lunch can become a daily occurrence. Think about your marriage like a house: It has walls and doors and windows.The fence around our house keeps our unwelcomed guests. We have doors, some of you may have a security system. There should be a nice firm “wall” around my husband and I. This is a sacred holy place that ONLY he and I are allowed in. No one, no thing, event, activity, hobby, or work is to enter in, uninvited. My heart, soul, and body are his and his alone. And vice versa. What I share with him (my feelings, emotions, desires, dreams etc) I don’t share with everyone else.

There are windows in our house and they let us enjoy the sunshine, etc. I can have ‘windows’ into other peoples’ lives. I can see a little bit, and they can see a little bit of my life. But my main focus is still on my husband, not them.

Let me know ladies, what you think. Do you have a wall between your husband and yourself? Is there a healthy hedge around the two of you?
What are your hands building and where?

 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:  Pam Bass is a wife, mom, and licensed Christian counselor, who has helped hundreds of people over the last 23 years.  She desires wives especially to be cognizant of the way the American culture can influence our stated Christian values.  Through her blog, she hopes to encourage women (in particular) to  know and trust what God tells us in His word.  Find out more at www.pambass.com

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