Becoming a hypocrite is very easy for parents. Do what I say, not what I do, because sometimes adults can do things children cannot, but it still makes adults look like hypocrites. I strive to set a good example for my children, and sometimes I actually succeed. One thing I have done is not teach my children there are bad words (aka swear words); there are adult words and children words. My children have no right, whatsoever, to correct an adult they hear swearing. No, no, if I hear my children correcting an adult, even a stranger, I will stop them. Adults can swear, children cannot. If you say swears are bad words you are setting a precedent and telling your kids, adults who swear are doing something wrong. Now, this isn’t to say swearing is right, but the point is to teach the children they cannot correct adults because children are under a different set of rule than adults.
This is the point, children are under a different set of standards than adults. The difference is in the home and in society. Teachers at school can use the microwave to heat up leftovers for lunch; students do not have access to microwaves. There is a different set of rules for teachers than for the students. Mom and dad can stay up late and play video games; children cannot because there is a different set of rules.
What I want to share with you today is a memory from a few years ago. First, I need to say Christians have a different set of rules than non-Christians. Read 1 Corinthians and see what Paul has to say about this topic. Right now, I am building up to something and need you to understand that the rules for my children and the rules for Christians is why I am bringing this story up.
When I was in college, studying the Old Testament, I was learning about the different ceremonies God commanded His people to celebrate. Now, I have no intention of following all of the Old Testament ceremonies and feasts, I am not under that covenant as a believer in Jesus, but the Sabbath is another story altogether. The Sabbath is mentioned in the second chapter of Genesis, “Thus the heavens and the earth were completed in all their vast array. By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day, he rested from all his work. Then God blessed the seventh day and made it holy because on that day he rested from all the work of creating that he had done.” The Sabbath’s holiness is mention before God has established a covenant with any man or group of people.
Not only is the Sabbath mentioned in the very first book of the Bible, but it is also referred to in the Ten Commandments (Exodus 20:8). Now, the Ten Commandments do fall under the Old Covenant but are still the commandments by which we are governed (along with the new commandments to love God above all else and to love others as we love ourselves. Found in Matthew 22:36-40). The Ten Commandments still serve the purpose of recognizing sin and showing we all fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23), even under the new covenant. Read More→
I always have my trusty standby punishments for my children tucked away in my tool belt, but sometimes, no most times, I think the punishment should fit the crime. Here are a few examples to help you learn to discipline your children in a way meant to apply natural consequences to the situations they find themselves in.
1. Repetition — I have learned when my kids do not clean something correctly it usually means they need more practice. So I have them repeat the chore a dozen or more times. For example, my kids all had problems putting the cap back on the toothpaste. After putting the cap on and taking it off 25 times, they seem more inclined to remember to put the cap on. If they “sweep” the floor and leave dirt everywhere I assume they need more practice and provide that opportunity out of the kindness of my heart. Practice makes perfect.
2. Bed Time — My son who on a couple of occasions decided to play a fun little bed time game I like to call “Heck No!” He would stay up late in his room while I thought he was asleep. The next day he would complain about how tired he was so I would put him to bed earlier, natural consequences. At some point in the future, he will beg to stay up later when he is a teenager, and I will play this game a little bit differently. I will let him stay up as late as he likes so long as he gets to school on time and does all of his homework and chores. If it works as it worked on me, he will find his own bed time is probably earlier than he wants it to be.
3. Clean Your Room — A fun story curtesy of my father and brother. When my brother, William, lived with just our dad (our parents were divorced), he was told to go clean his bedroom. Later William comes out and says “Dad, why should I clean my room? It’s just going to get messy again.” My dad painted a knowing smile on his mouth and responded, “Your right, never mind you don’t have to clean your room.” An hour before dinner William asks what’s for dinner. Then comes my father’s brilliant response.”Why should I feed you? You’re just going to get hungry again anyway.” My brother got the message and went to clean his room. Read More→
When I was six and in first grade, my teacher told us to write down our future career aspirations. She meant for our goals to be career-oriented. Other kids wrote down their desire to be firemen, doctors, and even a princess. My list was short, concise, just three goals that reached beyond a job. My block-print read in order: mom, wife, writer. Other kids grew up and their goals changed. Suddenly being a fireman sounded more dangerous than thrilling. Being a doctor required more years of school and money than everyone was willing to put forth. The one girl was still plotting her engagement to Prince Harry. She and I alone knew our hearts desire at the tender age of six.
Today I walked past a box of ornaments, a pair of sandals, two candy wrappers, and a pile of Rice Crispies on the floor, on the way to my white refrigerator. Picking this fridge was a time-consuming computer search of reading reviews on several websites and picking my particular specifications. A real grown up endeavor. Another reminder that I am now in my late thirties. Well past the days of stuck with whatever appliances come with the place we are renting. Now, my floor is a patchwork of cereal and tiny pink socks. Then I shut the fridge door and found out this is the magical refrigerator of my dreams.
Why you ask, is this icebox so magical? This one is decorated with a picture of me with unicorn hair and large black eyes. This fridge has my son’s A/B honor roll ribbon on the freezer section. I have a tin turned into a pen holder, one of my Pinterest wins. A poem my middle child wrote is on the other side next to progress reports and the phone number for the local pizza shop. There is a stuffed bat adorning the door because my family loves stuffed animals. Basically, my fridge is covered in the same stuff as every other family in America who are peppered with children from two to twenty, and I love it!
All the random bits of my life with my husband and children end up on the fridge as a constant reminder of the mundane to spectacular details of our lives. These details, however, are unique to my dreams and goals. This appliance sits there as a giant ice-making reminder that all my dreams have come true and I haven’t even said, “I’m forty” once in my life. My writing is not gracing the fridge; I might need to print out this blog to prove to my magical fridge all three of my goals are current. Read More→
At my mom’s house with my aunt, I asked for a little help as I struggled with writer’s block. Here’s the conversation:
“Either of you have any ideas of what I should write about for my next stay-at-home-mom blog?”
“You could write about how husbands don’t appreciate stay-at-home mom’s and don’t appreciate everything they do.” My mom offers.
“No way, I can’t write that! It’s not true in my house. Dennis appreciates everything I do. Just the other day I was complaining that I have not contributed financially to the house and he said I definitely contribute to the house, just not with pay. He helps me around the house and with the kids. He always says thank you for everything even the little stuff. We both do.”
“Well, there is your next blog Dri. Your uncle and I always appreciate each other and say thank you too.” My aunt added.
There you have it, that’s where I find my writing magic. I pick other people’s brains and manage to find something worthy of writing. Thankful is a fitting topic for November, the house of Thanksgiving. While I will always be grateful for my country, my husband is my rock and an amazing person. No, this blog is not going to be a brag book for my favorite man, but it could be. What I want to talk to you about today is why appreciating your spouse is so important. Here is our secret to a successful marriage.
- Always say thank you for everything. When Dennis makes me coffee, I always say thank you. When he fills my gas tank, sweeps the floor, remembers to check the kid’s homework when I forget, I thank him. He does the same. Something so simple has made a world of difference in our marriage. We both feel wanted and needed. This is not something you should ever stop, because if you do stop, you will always wonder if the appreciation is there. No appreciation equals bad feelings and animosity.
- Notice the little things. Another way to keep the appreciation alive inside of a union is to see the little things. My hubby never leaves the toilet seat up. Never. Because this is such a cliche action by so many men, I always notice. When he makes the bed in the morning, I acknowledge. When he lets me watch another re-run of Gilmore Girls instead of watching Top Gear, I notice. When you notice you appreciate, when you appreciate you are thankful.
- Have perspective. I always sort problems into man problems and Dennis problems. I expect him to have a similar list because some problems just can’t be combatted. Some problems just need to be accepted. So, when I get emotional for no reason at all, I expect Dennis to chalk this up to women problem. But when I leave my shoes all over the house, and he talks to me about it, that’s an Adrina problem not typical of all women. The same for him, when he waits until Christmas Eve to do his shopping for me, I don’t flip out, but if he folds his clothes before putting them in the basket and I can’t tell if they are clean or dirty, that I fight. Just toss them in, I do not need help being confused. Read More→
My son Rick started sixth grade this year. His beginnings in middle school have given me nightmares for a couple of reasons. First, my baby is no longer a baby! Second, middle school was not a fun time for me as the adjustment from elementary school was a difficult transition in my life and now I feel as if I will be reliving the nightmare again through my son. Third, I will have to endure two other children as well as Rick going through these harrowing adolescent years in the awkward transition out of primary school into middle grades.
Let’s take a walk into the past and see why middle school were difficult years for me. We moved to a new town the summer before I started sixth grade. In my old town, sixth grade was still elementary school in the safe and cozy atmosphere I excelled in; in the new town sixth grade was the first year of three in middle school. One more year where I would have just one teacher to guide me through my learning process replaced with six teachers. Do you see how many sixes there are in this article? Sixes are bad. This grade should be avoided like taking the elevator to the thirteenth floor. Sadly in my naiveté, I was excited about moving past elementary school because I was unaware of the dreaded H word. You know what word I am talking about, I will take the risk of angering people and write out this profane word. Homework. That’s right I said it, but could you please keep your stones on your side of the school yard?
My poor baby has to endure these cumbersome years now. Despite the technological advances, chrome books do little to reduce the transition from childhood to the years of constant expectation. He will survive because my husband and I will carry him through those years with vigilant diligence. But I am not walking in his gangly pre-teen shoes. Oh no, he can keep those shoes to himself. I did my time; my prison sentence is over. I will be the prison warden, but I am very thankful not to walk those halls again with ominous teachers throwing around that profane word as if it was a treat. As warden, there are new elements of this harrowing year to fear.
Chromebook’s are the ban of my existence. First, they are windows based inferior devices which are completely inoperable by parents. Apple needs to hop on this bandwagon and create a user-friendly device that schools can afford.
School books are a thing of the past. That’s right, no math books to help this mama relearn how to do fractions which I have rarely needed to use in my twenty something years since middle school ended. I know google is my friend and ready to assist 24/7, but I don’t like math, and I don’t want to do long division. Lesson plans are now made up of several different forms of media streamed together rather in-cohesively. Call me old fashioned by I like books. E-readers are great as a digital bookcase, but I need a little help from the handy books to travel into the past to what my son is learning now. Read More→
Question: I ask my son to go tell my daughter to come down for dinner, and he stays where he is and yells for her, why?
Answer: Your children require constant strenuous use of their vocal cords for proper maintenance and growth. Or kids are just lazy and do not want to do anything they do not need to do. Yes, you are quite capable of yelling up the stairs for your daughter, but your son does not think of this, he thinks, ‘what is the quickest way from point A to point B?’ For this situation, yelling gets him back to searching for Pokemon or battling dragons a whole lot faster than actually walking up the stairs and looking for his sister.
Solution: This might end up being an example of follow-by-example or constant not stop nagging every single time, your choice. If you need your child, try not to yell for them instead lead by example by going up the stairs or finding them through means other than your vocal cords. Children who do not yell…that is the dream, but not reality.
Question: Why do my children need to talk to me the moment I get on the phone?
Answer: In case you have forgotten, your little girl should be at the forefront of your thoughts at all times. Children view the person on the other end of the phone as an instigator ready to steal you away from them, and they must be stopped. Children are jealous creatures who need constant one-on-one attention from their parents. Cats are the same way, at least the kids rarely stick their bottom in your face.
Solution: When I know I am expecting an important phone call I tell the children if they interrupt me they will regret it, this usually thwarts the attempts to divert my attention. If a call takes me by surprise, my children know if they talk to me when I am on the phone they are going straight to time-out until my phone call is finished. After one 45 minute conversation with my brother two of the three children learned quickly I mean business, I am consistent, and I do not back down.
Question: Why does my son eat shredded cheese out of the bag in the fridge and leave a trail of evidence?
Answer: Shredded cheese spoils quickly (especially when the bag is not sealed properly by sneaky children) and should be eaten quickly to prevent waste. See, you were getting angry, and your son is just trying to be helpful! Besides, cheese is so good it should be considered a food group, and your son is a growing boy after all. The real problem might be that you are depriving him of vital nutrients necessary for his growth. More likely, though, your child is a slob just like mine and well most of the children around the world. They simply need to be taught the table is a better location for eating cheese.
Solution: My little cheese connoisseur was denied cheese for two weeks after I found a trail of cheese from the top shelf to the cabinets closest to the refrigerator. He decided to disobey me and sneak a slice of cheddar, and I added another week to the punishment. Once again consistency is important and not backing down. When we had tacos during his punishment his were sans cheese, along with a few other meals. His cheese withdrawals were so bad after three weeks I think he was physically shaking, but he never leaves cheese trails for me anymore. Read More→
Question: Why does my child ask the same question multiple times in a row?
Answer: Children repeat their questions because they want to drive you to the brink of insanity and then giggle as you fall over the edge. Or maybe, because they are so young they are impatient and expect an immediate answer. If you fail to answer in the 2.2 seconds allotted they will repeat the question for your benefit, we are old after all and could use constant reminders.
Solution: Tell your child(ren) from now on you will only answer a question that has been properly phrased and asked one time and remain consistent to your word. True to form this is not a behavior you can anticipate ending anytime soon. My own mother tried to ground me for this very action just last weekend. Being grounded to my room does not seem like such a punishment anymore.
Question: Why do my children wake us so early on weekends?
Answer: Children wake up before the sun on weekends because sleep is overrated. Parents do not remember the youthful joy of waking up with the birds and kids are here to remind them of these simple pleasures.
Solution: I have found with my children the later I put them to bed the earlier they wake up to force me into a zombie like state. Changing their bedtime to earlier usually rectifies the situation. Start in half hour increments until you find the bedtime that works for your family. Please keep your coffee pot on standby until you have found the best bedtime.
Question: Why do my kids look at me, acknowledge what I say, and then do the exact opposite of what I asked of them as if they didn’t hear me? Read More→
“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6 is my favorite Bible verse about raising children. First, let’s recognize this scripture for what it is, sage advice not a command from God. What many people fail to recognize is this verse is a double edged sword. Now, let’s move on to the fun part. How are you training your children? Is what you are teaching your children what you want them to take into adulthood?
The best time to decide how you plan to train your children is before they are born. For hubby and I, we realized some aspects were going to be more important to one of us, so that person would have preference on that issue. For example, Dennis found dinner as a family to be a hot ticket issue for him and was adamant this was the family norm. I do not feel as strongly about this particular issue so we went with his inclination. Dinner is now a wonderful time for conversation, where we discuss the Bible, talk about our day, or quiz the children about whatever subjects they are learning in school.
Another decision we made before our babies were born, was to be loud when the babies were sleeping. Though unwilling to create superfluous noise while our newborns slumbered we often found this to be the appropriate time to turn up the tv or vacuum every room in the house. I know, I know, most parents prefer to create a quiet environment for their little ones to sleep in, but let me tell you this is a habit you are creating in your child. My babies fall asleep despite noise because we have trained them to sleep through the mayhem.
Name calling does not carry weight in our home. I can guess what you are thinking and no, I do not call my children stupid, or swear words, this is not what I am referring to. What I mean is I call my children random ridiculous names. For example, Mr. Sniffles, or puffybum, or squish, or whatever other random word comes out of my mouth. When my kids come home and say so-and-so called them a dork I ask them, is it any worse than when I call you McGooberhead? Usually, the answer is no, my children have been desensitized from name calling, insults flung their way roll off their shoulders and far far away.
Dennis and I lead by example. Whether my children notice or not, we work hard in everything we do to show them how hard they need to work as well. With three children, I managed a college degree with high honors. My children saw me receive A after A for grades as I went the extra mile for each assignment. I made sure to announces my grades to them, slowly these little achievements will build up in their subconscious as information to fall back on in their own future endeavors.
Now, of course, we teach our children to pray, to follow Jesus’ lead, and to seek the guidance of the Bible. This is the most important training for our children, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.” Along with this we train them to “…Love your neighbor as yourself.” (Matthew 22:36-40). Hubby and I exert ourselves to show our little ones to love everyone despite who they are or what they do. We are not called to be judges. We teach them to love the person and not to love the sin. We ensure our children are aware we are fallible. We do not ever attempt to appear perfect in our children’s eyes. We need them to understand everyone “…falls short of the glory of God.” (Romans 3:23). Read More→
Last night I found out a couple of very young cousins are currently without their belongings and in desperate need of some entertainment in the way of books, movies, and toys. Over the years, my three children acquired more toys than they can play with. I composed a list of the toys the little girls requested, called my three children down, and told them what was happening and what I desired from them. Since all three children are girls, my two girls possess more to offer than my son.
My older girl Bri listened and the snatched up my list and got straight to work reading the list to her sister and pulling toys from her room. Alex, my youngest girl was quick to sacrifice beloved toys to the box for complete strangers because the toys would make them happy. Even Rick, my 11-year-old boy found a stuffy to part with of his own volition.
Before I knew it, the box was overflowing with toys from my girl’s bedrooms. Beloved books, favorite toys, even frozen toys, and books, made the cut. No tears, no fuss, no attitude, my children were asked to give up their belongings for unfamiliar family and they overflowed the box. Now, of course, the girls didn’t put in all their favorite stuff and if there was something they wanted to keep that was on the list I did not fight them, but this was really not the case. Both girls initial said no to a couple of toys and then a few minutes later decided they could part with these belongings to make others happy. Their rooms are still bursting with princess dolls, Judy Moody books, barbies, stuffed ponies, and toy food despite a box full of toys missing. Read More→
Let’s face it Mom’s, sometimes eating breakfast is more work for us than it’s worth. We might munch on our children’s leftovers as we carry their plates to the sink. Two bites of a waffle sans syrup, three bites of scrambled eggs with syrup, and two bites of applesauce with a Princess spoon. Anything else just makes more dishes, more mess to clean up, and an obstacle in watching the children create more mess.
As my children have gotten older, I found more time to make myself breakfast, but less desire to eat the first meal of the day. Many of grocery bags come into the house filled with food to entice me to eat in the mornings, end up in the trash or in the hands of my children. Honey on english muffins, grapefruits, strawberry breakfast bars, and organic oatmeal no sugar added, all paths less taken. Finally, I found my breakfast of champions. Not only do I create this every morning, I actually carry through and eat this meal! Let’s talk smoothies!
Adrina’s Perfect Smoothie
What you need:
1/2 an Avocado
1 tbsp Flaxseed
1 tsp Almonds (ground)
1 tbsp Coconut Oil
1 tsp Ginger
1 tsp Cinnamon
1 handful Spinach
Liquid (water, fruit juice, or milk)
Blender: I use a Magic Bullet, I blend in the cup I drink from, cutting down on dishes. The blade is the only other dish and this is a simple rinse off with a drop of dish soap. Important, remember to only blend for 10-20 seconds at a time if you are using a cup blender.
Fruits: I use a mix of frozen and fresh fruit. I prefer more fresh fruit because the smoothie comes out thinner and easier to drink. Some prefer thicker and frozen fruit will achieve the desired thickness. If I do use frozen fruit, I put the fruit in the cup and cover with water and let it set for several minutes to thaw before blending. My favorite fruits are blackberries, blueberries, strawberries, kiwi, and peaches. The blackberries and blueberries are mainly to create a more palatable color. The other fruits alone create a less ascetically appealing color.
Avocado: There are two kinds of people, those who love avocados and those who do not. I am an avocado lover. This is an important ingredient in my smoothie, full of healthy fat and a creamy texture, much more palatable. I cannot taste the avocado in the drink at all. Seriously, do not forget the blueberries, the color with out the darker fruits and with avocado is a bad bad thing.
Flaxseed: Ground flaxseed adds little flavor or texture but packs a powerful punch of omega three fatty acids, fiber, and vitamins. Seriously, add this superfood, there are so many benefits to gain from such a small ingredient.
Almonds: Ok, you could add these for the wonderful nutty flavor. Of course, if these are not our favorite nuts feel free to add cashews, peanuts, peanut butter, almond butter or whatever other nut you prefer. Almonds are my friends, we get along fine and I would not go to smoothie-ville without my bestie. Besides being the perfect best friend, almonds are full of protein, fiber, good fats, antioxidants, and help with weight loss.
Coconut Oil: Yes, I am aware that on top of the fattening avocado I am adding more fat. This is not just any fat this is good fat that fights bad fat, another superfood. Coconut oil is like a ninja ready to fight bad fat out of my body! There is a trick though to adding this ingredient. Do not put this oil on top of frozen fruit! This will make the oil hard and difficult to blend. Add in last after blending everything else. Or some people use coconut water or milk, I will try this at some point.
Ginger and Cinnamon: I use organic spices in my smoothies. Ginger helps to aid in digestion promoting weight loss and many other nutritional benefits. Cinnamon is full of antioxidants, fights illness and pain, and like ginger helps regulate insulin (this is not an issue for me but worth a mention). Both are superfoods worthy of more research pertaining to their many health benefits. Did I mention the added sweetness?
Spinach: Fresh spinach is my preferred method of adding in this powerhouse ingredient. Packed full of vitamins (for me I focus on spinach because of its healthy doses of potassium and magnesium which my body does not store well), omega-3 fats, antioxidants, and fiber. You are worried the spinach will lace your smoothie with unfavorable flavor. I was very nervous with my first smoothie that the taste of spinach would overwhelm the fruits. The power food is well hidden, so long as you add dark berries.
Liquids: This is where Adrina misbehaves. I should add water, so healthy. But grapefruit juice is so much sweeter! So does orange juice. Milk is fine for coffee, but a little juice takes this yummy concoction up a notch. I know, I know, pure sugar. All the wonderful ingredients above should compensate a little bit for the calorie dense juice, right? If you care more about the calories than I do, try a little almond milk, coconut water or milk, or good old H20.
So what do you say, moms? Leftover toasts crust with the jelly licked off, or a powerhouse delicious smoothie filled with ingredients to kick-up energy levels, add invaluable nutrients to your life, and even improve your fiber intake? Give it a try, but most importantly have fun and experiment! What vitamins is your diet lacking? Drink them and stop forgetting to feed yourself. Clean up is a breeze with smoothies, the entire process takes ten minutes from pulling ingredients out of the fridge to clean up. Take a few minutes to give yourself a smooth day.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Adrina Palmer is a stay-at-home-mom to three wonderful children and a wife to an amazing husband. She has a bachelors degree in Religion from Liberty University and is currently writing her first novel. Adrina is a Christian hoping to help other stay-at-home moms find the joy and simplicity as a mother and wife. In her free time she enjoys many crafts, writing, spending time with family, and reading. She would love to hear from you!