CWAHM Devotional

Do Life DifferentDo Life Different
Work-at-home mom: take a deep breath and Do Life Different as you allow these devotions for work-at-home moms to fill the vacuum of your needy heart in the chaos of your busy world.
 
Order Your Copy!

CWAHM Video Devotions

Get Our Updates!

Join our monthly newsletter!

Archive for Humor

Feb
06

Now, Do You Feel like a Big Boy?

Posted by: | Comments Comments Off on Now, Do You Feel like a Big Boy?

Rev. James Snyder, Out to Pastor bloggerbeach vacationVacations mean different things to different people. For me, the vacation means I am vacating one place and going to another place to do nothing.

Recently, the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage and me vacated the parsonage to go to some place where we could major on doing nothing. We have mastered this over the years.

My definition of “nothing” is quite different from my wife’s definition.

My definition is simply that I spend the day doing nothing.

My wife’s definition is simply that she will spend the day doing nothing but thrift store shopping.

At this point, I am not quite sure who has mastered their “nothing.” We might be equal at this point. As long as each of our “nothing” activity does not collide with each other.

One of the aspects of getting to that “nothing” point is travel. The older I get, the less fond I am of traveling especially long distances. But if we are going to get to our destination, travel is part of the activity.

A long time ago, I made the decision, that on our vacations would use my wife’s van. Henceforth, she does all the driving.

How I got to this point was simply that if she is going to go thrift shopping she will need space to put the stuff that she buys. Hence, she needs to take her van, and consequently, she needs to do all the driving.

I have long ago come to my point of manhood that I do not have to do all the driving. My father was quite different. He felt that because he was the man in the house, he should do all the driving. I am not my father’s son. At least, in that respect.

If my wife is going to go thrift store shopping, she will need her van and so this problem has been worked out quite nicely, if you ask me.

On our travel I can either do some reading or log sawing, at which I am pretty good.

She’s a very good driver; after all, I trained her. I remember the time training her to drive a car, I would not say anything now, but there were some very anxious moments. So, there is nothing she could do now that would in any way cause me to be anxious.

This past vacation time I did see something that startled me to no end. We were driving down the main street in St. Augustine when we passed an old man riding his bicycle. That in itself is not an unusual sight, after all a lot of people ride bicycles. As we passed him, I noticed his trousers were down to his knees and I saw something that I am not supposed to see under any circumstance. My eyes burned for the next two days.

Then, the next day as we were driving and I saw this large Cadillac coming in our direction and there was nobody in the driver’s seat. Believe me, I was a little excited about that for sure. When we passed this car, I looked over and behind the steering wheel, barely able to see through the steering wheel, was a little old lady sitting.

Where do people get their driver’s license? Who gives them their driver’s license?

The next day we were driving home and I had just about fallen asleep. The Sandman had just started his activity and I was fast approaching dreamland. Then I heard a noise…“Bah room boom boom boom boom boom. Bah room boom boom boom boom boom.”

I jumped out of my sleep and looked over at my wife and she was looking at me. At first, I thought we were entering the apocalypse and was tempted to get down and start praying. Read More→

Comments Comments Off on Now, Do You Feel like a Big Boy?
Jan
30

The end of all nonsense and other practical jokes

Posted by: | Comments Comments Off on The end of all nonsense and other practical jokes

Rev. James Snyder, Out to Pastor bloggerWhen it comes to practical jokes, Yours Truly is always on the ready. Throughout my earthly passage, I have perpetuated my share of practical jokes. I will not enumerate them here, the simple reason being, I might want to bring one out of retirement.

I must say that most practical jokes are neither practical nor funny. However, I operate on the biblical premise, “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones” (Proverbs 17:22). With the high cost of medicine these days, I will take a merry heart every time. Just call me Dr. Merry Heart, and I will dispense some good medicine to everybody who needs it.

Now, the practical joke I am thinking of has to do with New Year’s Resolutions. I always look forward to the last week in January for this very reason. For the first several weeks of January, I am nervous and sweating over those lousy New Year’s Resolutions I am forced to make. Pardon my French.

Somewhere there is someone laughing at all of those stupid enough to make New Year’s Resolutions. It is probably the quintessential practical joke played on all humanity. Is there a culture anywhere in our world today that does not fall for this practical joke? If there is, I want to move there.

The first week in January is probably the worst week when it comes to these New Year’s Resolutions. They are fresh in our mind not to mention fresh on our lips. A New Year’s Resolution would not be so bad if nobody knew that we made one. The problem comes when somebody knows what our resolution is and constantly reminds us, “How’re your New Year’s Resolutions coming along?” Read More→

Comments Comments Off on The end of all nonsense and other practical jokes
Jan
23

Why childhood is better the second time around

Posted by: | Comments Comments Off on Why childhood is better the second time around

Rev. James Snyder, Out to Pastor bloggerThis week the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage and Yours Truly had the privilege of attending our youngest granddaughter’s second birthday party. I wanted to go to her third birthday party but she was not old enough yet. So, I will have to wait another year.

On the way home we sat in silence thinking about the party we had just attended. It just does not seem possible that we have eight grandchildren. I broke the silence with a little comment along this line. “I’m just not old enough to be a grandfather of eight grandchildren. I don’t feel old enough to be a grandfather”

From the other passenger in the car came a rather sarcastic snicker, if I say so myself.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I retorted.

“Well,” she said rather slowly as if she was trying to collect her thoughts and use the right words, “believe me, putting all feelings aside, you’re old enough.”

I did not quite know what she meant by that, and I was afraid if I ask she would tell me. I quickly changed the subject and said, “Didn’t Jordin look cute with birthday cake all over her face?”

She laughed.

Then, I thought I was talking to myself but apparently, I said it aloud, a least loud enough for my wife to hear. “I wonder what it’s like to be two years old?”

“Get ready,” my wife said with a laugh in her voice, “you’re about ready to enter into your second childhood.”

At the time, I rather resented the comment, but upon further reflection, I do not see anything wrong with that. After all, what is wrong with enjoying childhood the second time around?

I really do not think it is possible to enjoy childhood the first time. There are so many things to interfere.

First off, are parents constantly telling you what to do or not to do. Telling you when to go to bed. Telling you when to get up in the morning. Telling you when to eat. Telling you what to eat. Telling… telling… telling…

How in the world can anybody enjoy life when people are always telling them what to do? The problem is, when a person is two years old they have absolutely no leverage against overbearing parents. The only thing the two-year-old can do to get the upper hand with his parents is to wait until they are in the supermarket with lots of people around and then throw a temper tantrum.

Here is the advantage of entering a second time into your childhood. Nobody is around to tell you what to do or what not to do. You are on your own, at least in this area. Of course, in your second childhood it is not possible to throw a temper tantrum in a public supermarket and get away with it.

The advantage of having a second childhood is that you have all that experience behind you to use to your advantage that a two year old could not possibly have. This in itself covers a multitude of sins.

“What’s wrong with your husband?” Somebody may ask my wife.

“Oh,” she responds quite mechanically, “he’s into his second childhood.”

“I understand, my husband’s there too.”

And all is right with the world.

In a person’s first childhood, he is quite limited in his outlook. He does not know what he is missing. But during the second childhood, he has the benefit of knowing this and using it for his own personal profit.

For example, when the parents of a two-year-old take him out to a restaurant he is completely at the mercy of the parents.

“Eat your vegetables,” the parents demand, “then you can have dessert.”

There is nothing the two-year-old can do at this point. After all, the one who pays the bill gets to say who does what.

Now, as I enter my second childhood I have the advantage of knowing that all that malarkey about eating your vegetables first is just that… malarkey. And, since I am paying the bill, I will eat the desert whenever I want to eat it. In fact, I will start with dessert and end with dessert. And while I am on the subject, if I do not want to order vegetables, I will order no vegetable.

Many has been the time when my wife and I are out to a restaurant and she will order a properly balanced meal, while I order dessert.

“You do know vegetables are good for you?” my wife will insist.

“I know no such thing,” I reply. Read More→

Comments Comments Off on Why childhood is better the second time around
Jan
16

It Was An Apple Fritter Kind Of Week

Posted by: | Comments Comments Off on It Was An Apple Fritter Kind Of Week

Have you ever had a week where everything went exactly as planned? Neither have I. Every week I start out believing this week is going to be different from all the other weeks of my life. If this has ever occurred, I cannot recall it.

Take last week, please! I start every week about the same. I meticulously prepare my weekly to-do-list. This is not to be confused with the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage’s honey-do-list. Her list, and I learned this by experience, takes precedence over every other list in the world.

My weekly to-do-list is a very important part of my week. I chronicle everything needing accomplished during the week along with appointments with people that I need to see. With the religious ferocity of the Pharisee, I follow this list throughout the week and dutifully check off each item as it is completed. Then, Saturday evening I can look back with a great deal of satisfaction and see what I have accomplished.

Unfortunately, I can also look back on my list and see what I have not accomplished this week. With a deep sigh, I carry these items over to next week’s to-do-list. Just between you and me, some items I have carried over for 36 consecutive weeks. By this time, I usually drop the whole notion and get on with my life.

My philosophy is, if you aim at nothing; you will hit it every time. I’m not exactly sure what that means, but what I take away from it is simply that if I do not aim to do something I probably never will do it.

I live day by day by this weekly to-do-list. If it were not for this marvelous tool, I would never get anything done during the week. It is my great joy late Saturday night to work out the following week’s to-do-list.

Sometimes my wife will look at me, sigh and say, “You’re not working on your to-do-list, are you?” Then she says something that actually irritates me. Not everything she says irritates me, but this one does. “You know, if you would spend as much time actually doing those things as you spend planning to do them you might actually get something done during the week.”

I developed this to-do-list so I would not have to keep trying to remember what I was supposed to do during the week. They keep me free to think more creatively about things that need that kind of attention. All I had to do was consult my to-do-list and find out what needed to be done. After all, I don’t want to tax my brain too much. Who do you think I am? The government?

Then last week it happened. Something I had feared for many a year. Read More→

Comments Comments Off on It Was An Apple Fritter Kind Of Week
Jan
09

I Thought but Then I Unthought

Posted by: | Comments Comments Off on I Thought but Then I Unthought

Rev. James Snyder, Out to Pastor bloggerLooking back over my life I honestly can say, giving it a great deal of thought, the biggest problem I have is when I actually think. Thinking can get me into more trouble than anything else I do.

This was no more evident than recently we got a phone call from the bank. I hate it when the bank calls because they never call to wish me happy birthday or wonder how in the world I am doing today. They always have an agenda. Usually, that agenda has to do with my money.

When I answered the phone all I could say was, “Here we go again.”

Much to my relief it was not about my account, but rather it was the bank account of the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage. I cannot tell you the smile that slapped itself all over my face when I heard this.

Immediately I called my wife to the phone and said, “It’s your bank calling you about your account.” Smilingly I handed the phone to her.

For years, we have had separate accounts and it has worked out rather well. I remember when we first were married we had a joint account and it was always getting messed up. We had two checkbooks for the same account, which did not make any sense at all. Everything was messed up and checks bounced all over the place.

To solve this dilemma we decided to have our own checking account in separate banks. I am not quite sure about her account, but the checks keep bouncing in my account and I am not exactly sure why.

The bank was calling my wife because there had been a suspicious activity on her account. I thought about telling them that other activity on her bank account was also suspicious, but sometimes I know when not to speak.

According to the bank, my wife bought a package of wine costing $600 and they were wondering if she was buying it for the church communion service. I heard my wife laugh and figured out there is something going on. We do not use wine in our communion service, we use grape juice. However, the bank did not know why my wife was buying wine.

The only wine in our house is me, who whines all the time and believe me, according to my wife, my whining is very intoxicating. At least to her it is.

We finally had to go down to the bank and try to sort this mess out. My wife tried to tell them that she did not make such a purchase.

I would like to tell you how delighted I was to go to the bank with her and see her in a dilemma that I did not create. I know I create a lot of dilemma in our home. The fact that we been married as long as we have been married says a lot for her tolerance of whiny old people like me.

“We did not think,” the bank manager said to my wife, “that you were buying wine like this. We thought perhaps you might have been buying wine for the church communion service.”

All three of us laughed a very hearty laugh because she knew we did not use wine in our communion service.

However, the truth of the matter Read More→

Comments Comments Off on I Thought but Then I Unthought
Jan
05

Items not on my New Year’s resolution list

Posted by: | Comments Comments Off on Items not on my New Year’s resolution list

Smile Post-itIt is typical this time of year to prepare a list of resolutions for the coming year. I believe this goes all the way back to the Garden of Eden when Adam said to Eve, “I think I’ll turn over a new leaf this year.” And so the tradition has come down to us today.

Normally, people will make a list of all the things they will give up during the ensuing year. All kinds of bad habits find their way on the list like smoking, drinking and other nefarious activities. Of course, nobody actually plans to keep his New Year resolutions but the act of writing them down on a piece of paper seems to give a sense of accomplishment to people.

One of the big things on the resolution list has to do with diet and losing weight during the coming year. I have often wondered why this seems to be number one on most of those New Year resolution list. Even Yours Truly has succumbed in years past to attend this resolution on his list.

This year I discovered why that is so high on people’s list. It begins with Halloween and all of the candy that is consumed. Now, there is a purpose behind all of this. And it is only recently that I have put it all together. And to my loyal reading fans (both of you) I would share with you the wisdom of my muse.

The reason it starts with Halloween candy is that candy is sweet. This sweet serves to prime the pump, so to speak, for the eating frenzy that is about to begin. Approximately 3 weeks following the Halloween candy blowout comes Thanksgiving.

When our forefathers did a Thanksgiving dinner, they had to chase the turkey down and kill it themselves. Following that, they had to pluck the feathers, clean the turkey, stuff it and get it ready for roasting. All of this activity burned up all the calories from the Halloween candy frenzy.

Now, all we do is pop it into an oven and the most activity we have is bending our elbows to see how fast we can get the turkey from the plate into our mouth. Even though this activity is quite strenuous it actually burns no calories whatsoever in the process.

If it was just the turkey it would not be so bad, but nobody can eat turkey without all the culinary accoutrements. Roast turkey without a generous slice of pumpkin pie is the closest thing to blasphemy that I know.

No sooner has the Thanksgiving dinner settled in our stomach, it is Christmas time, and all of the parties associated with Christmas. Nobody can refuse a Christmas party with all the delicacies that had been so meticulously prepared. When I go to a party, I think it rather rude not to indulge in the party snacks.

I like to join organizations right around the October keeping a sharp eye out for the annual Christmas party. Soon after the New Year, I dropped out of that organization. Call me a slacker, if you wish, but in my book, the Christmas party is worth the subterfuge.

Then there is the marvelous family Christmas dinner. Need I say more?

So we come to New Year’s Eve. By this time, everybody has eaten so much that hardly anybody can take another bite. Not only that, but many people feel guilty for eating so much during the holiday season. Others, like me, are made to feel guilty for eating so much during the holiday season.

To deal with this sense of guilt many people make a New Year’s resolution to go on a diet during the coming year.

Many years ago around this time of the year, I made a drastic tactical error. It had been a particularly good holiday season with many parties and Christmas dinners. I was feeling rather expansive at the time and sighed deeply and said, “After all that eating I should go on a diet.”

Quick as a wink the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage took that as a cue and responded, “I think that’s an excellent idea. That will be your New Year’s resolution for the coming year.”

And thus it was.

I quickly learned that such resolutions come with a great deal of superfluous supervision. Every time I turned around my wife said, “How is your diet coming?” Of course, she knows exactly how it is coming because she is the one who was supervising this aspect of my life. Read More→

Comments Comments Off on Items not on my New Year’s resolution list
Dec
27

Be Sure Your Grin Will Find You Out

Posted by: | Comments Comments Off on Be Sure Your Grin Will Find You Out

Christmas is a wonderful time of the year and I appreciate it so very much. I recognize I’m difficult to purchase presents for because I have my books, my pens, what else do I really need?

Once in a while I get a Christmas present to beat all Christmas presents. This year was one of those “once in a while’s.”

It’s a pretty well known fact that the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage and myself differs when it comes to culinary likes and dislikes. How we got along for so many years is truly a miracle, I suppose.

She, for example, loves vegetables, particularly broccoli. (Excuse me, I need to go and wash out my mouth.)

On the other side of the table, I love Apple Fritters. (Excuse me, I need to relish the thought of an apple fritter.)

Throughout the year she tries tricking me into eating vegetables. I’ll take so much, but then I draw a line in the sand. That sand sometimes gets a little disheveled and I know who is disheveling it.

I have tried to tell her that a good mother will make Apple Fritters for her family. She dismisses that and says quite emphatically, “No good mother will ever do anything of that nature. A good mother will make vegetables for their family.”

And so the “discussion” goes on and on.

We were watching the news as they were reporting on the funeral of the 41st President of the United States. Someone was giving some kind of a eulogy concerning that president and said something that caught my attention.

According to this eulogy, the 41st President of the United States hated broccoli. Let me repeat that, he hated broccoli, as well as all other vegetables.

I looked at my wife and said, “I’m in good company.”

She just dismissed that and went on with her work in the kitchen. I grinned a lot and relished the moment. I just don’t get too many moments like that.

Then, something wonderful happened.

Christmas cards were coming from family members all over the place. I think people send an early Christmas card to make sure we will return a Christmas card. I was opening the Christmas cards and came to one that made my Christmas the delight that it has become.

Some of my wife’s sisters were sending her throughout the year recipes from their mother in their mother’s own handwriting. I didn’t take much note to that because I’m not allowed in the kitchen to do any cooking.

Very nonchalantly I was opening these Christmas cards and then I came upon “the” Christmas card. I noticed it was from my wife’s sister and as I opened it there was a little card inside that made my life a true joy.

The sister was sending in her Christmas card one of their mother’s recipes written in their mother’s old hand. You will never guess what the recipe was in that card!

When I opened it up I could not believe my eyes. My eyes have fooled me quite a bit down through the years, but this time I had to rub them several times in order to believe what I was seeing.

There in their mother’s own handwriting was her recipe for “Apple Fritters.” I had it in my wife’s mother’s own handwriting.

You can hardly imagine my joy. There is no Christmas joy equal to the joy I felt looking at this recipe.

Now, how was I going to present this to my wife and get all the benefit out of it?

I put all the cards back together and laid this particular Christmas card on the top. I invited my wife to come and sit down and look at some of the Christmas cards that has come from the family.

She sat on the couch and I gave her the Christmas cards and then returned to my chair to watch her opening up these Christmas cards. In the meantime, I had such a big grin on my face and I didn’t know how to hide it.

As my wife is opening up the Christmas card she looked up at me and said, “What in the world are you grinning about?”

“I’m just having a happy Christmas season.”

Then she opened the Christmas card containing her mother’s recipe it her own handwriting for “Apple Fritters.” She just stared at it for a few moments and then’s looked up at me with one of her classic stares.

“What did you find?” I said as calmly as I could.

“You know exactly what I found.” She was quiet for a few moments as she looked at that handwritten recipe from her mother.

“So,” I said rather slowly, “when can we expect that recipe to be used in our kitchen?”

She looked at me, then look back at the recipe card and spontaneously we both burst out into hilarious laughter.

I don’t think I could have received a better Christmas present than that. Proof positive that good mothers do make Apple Fritters. Maybe they’ll be some changes to our kitchen.

Thinking about that I was reminded of a Scripture in the Old Testament. “But if ye will not do so, behold, ye have sinned against the Lord: and be sure your sin will find you out” (Numbers 32:23).

No matter what it is, it will always be exposed in the end.

Rev. James L. Snyder is pastor of the Family of God Fellowship. He lives with the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage in Ocala. Call him at 1-866-552-2543 or e-mail jamessnyder2@att.net. His web site is www.jamessnyderministries.com.

Comments Comments Off on Be Sure Your Grin Will Find You Out
Dec
19

Ha, Ha, I Knew I Was Right!

Posted by: | Comments Comments Off on Ha, Ha, I Knew I Was Right!

Did you ever experience a time when you were right and had the evidence to prove you were right?

I know that for me, it does not happen very often. In fact, I cannot think of a time that it really did happen to me. Well, until recently. I want to remember this incident as long as I live.

The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage was preparing for our Thanksgiving family get-together. It takes her weeks to get everything prepared; she is so meticulous and will not allow anything to go wrong from her point of view. Everything has to be done just so.

Experience has taught me during this time of the year to stay out of the kitchen! That is why I am still living to this very day.

However, it does have its advantages. I can relax in my “man cave” and stay out of her way. I know that if I ever get in her way she always, without exception, has a job for me to do. I like working, but not under those circumstances. If she cannot see me, she cannot give me work to do.

One thing she is most focused on are vegetables. According to her, there has to be a balance of vegetables and the greener the better.

I, on the other side of the “I Do” aisle, have very little patience for vegetables. I was losing the battle for this vegetables war until recently.

I was haphazardly watching the news one night when they came out with a very scary bulletin. It seems that a certain vegetable (I will not name it because I am not a vegetable person and a vegetable to me is a vegetable) was infected and giving people E. coli.

When I first heard that news, I thought I heard it wrong. After all, I have been told all my life that vegetables are good for you and will not harm you. A healthy diet includes lots of veggies. Then they come along with this warning that you should not buy this certain vegetable.

“Hey, my dear,” I cheerfully said, “come and look at this news report.”

I love modern technology because by the time she got into the room the television report was over. Very nonchalantly, I pressed the rewind button and was able to replay that news report about a certain vegetable.

I was as quiet as long as I possibly could be, and then I blurted out, “See, I told you, vegetables are not all good.”

She gave me one of “those looks” and walked back into the kitchen.

I grew up in a farm community in Pennsylvania and one of the sayings my grandfather had was, “When you have a cow you need to milk it.” And I was about to milk this for everything I could.

I grabbed my coffee cup and went out in the kitchen to get another fresh cup of coffee and when I was there, I happened to mention, “I always knew vegetables could be dangerous.”

She looked at me and then said, “That is only one incident and I’m not sure it’s even true.”

“If it’s on TV it has to be true,” I spurted very sarcastically.

Then I had an idea burning in my head that I had been wanting to share with her for a long time but never had an opportunity. She is always getting on my case about my apple fritters, and how harmful they were to me. When saying that she was always staring at my fully developed stomach.

“There has never been,” I began as seriously as possible, “any news report that apple fritters are harmful to your health. Certainly, not like this vegetable on the news today.”

She looked at me and smiled, but as I walked away, I could see out of the corner of my eye she was sticking her tongue out at me. It feels so good to be right about something and have it collaborated by the “TV news media.”

This is a novel experience for me to be certain. It might be the only one so I plan to enjoy it as long as possible. During the next few days whenever we crossed paths I always smiled victoriously at her.

At our family Thanksgiving get together, I noticed that a certain “vegetable” was not on the table. You do not know how hard it was for me not to mention that. Every once in a while I would glance in my wife’s direction and smile. She knew what I was smiling about, but just let it go.

I guess that is what married life is all about. Sharing secrets between one another.

Every time I eat an apple fritter from now on, I am going to be smiling in remembrance of that “vegetable.” I am not that accustomed to victory and so I was taking advantage of it. However, I knew I had to be careful because sometimes things can backfire. I know this by experience.

I was enjoying my victory at the time, and then I remembered what the apostle Paul said about victory. “But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ” (1 Corinthians 15:57).

God has for us victory that supersedes any victory we could have in this world. His victory is always through the Lord Jesus Christ.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Rev. James L. Snyder is pastor of the Family of God Fellowship. He lives with the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage in Ocala. E-mail jamessnyder2@att.net. His web site is www.jamessnyderministries.com.

Categories : Articles, Humor, Jill's Blog
Comments Comments Off on Ha, Ha, I Knew I Was Right!
Dec
12

Not Everything in Life Is Automatic

Posted by: | Comments Comments Off on Not Everything in Life Is Automatic
Rev. James Snyder, Out to Pastor blogger

Two days in the year I don’t like. Somebody is thinking it is my wife’s birthday and our wedding anniversary.

I worked that out a long time ago. My birthday is two days before the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage and our anniversary is three weeks after our birthday. No way can I forget that.

When my wife gives me a birthday card with some gift it reminds me that I have two days to reciprocate. And reciprocate, I do very well. I love it when a plan comes together.

I remember my wife’s birthday and I remember our wedding anniversary, but more often than not, I cannot remember the years. I do not know how old my wife is. At least, that’s my story. And, I am not sure how long we’ve been married.

I know we have been married long enough to work out many things.

The two days I’m not very happy with are the days when we turn the clock forward an hour and then turn the clock backward an hour. I still do not know why in the world we do that. We gain an hour in the spring, but then we lose an hour in the fall. What’s the sense in all that?

I finally figured out what the sense of all that is. It is to confuse me, in particular. It is not that I am easily confused, but rather, I confuse easily. If that makes sense, I have a bridge I want to sell you.

Why would you want to gain something and then give it back a couple months later?

I grew up in the non-technical age. I had to wind my watch every day to make sure it had the right time. It was not like it is today worth the time is set automatically.

I look at my cell phone and the time is updated automatically. I look at our TV set and see that the time is updated automatically. I like that.

My problem is that I like it too much. I have become accustomed to things being adjusted automatically.

Now they have cars that part automatically and you can be sure I’m not going to buy one. I am satisfied with the automatic setting of my clock and TV.

When I was in high school, I worked part-time for a woman. I mowed the grass and cleaned inside the house. One big thing she had in the house was about 25 clocks. I’m serious. Twenty-five clocks that all had to be set manually.

The first time I did it, I did not realize that each clock was set differently. You go upstairs and the clocks were 15 minutes faster than the clocks on the first floor so she would not be late for an appointment.

Being my employer, it would have been nice for her to explain that to me. But, as most employers do, they do not explain everything to their employees.

I was the kind of employee that liked to impress my employer with how good I was.

It was in the fall and we were to set the clocks back one hour. I thought she would appreciate the fact that I went around and reset all 25 of her clocks. After all, I was doing something on my own that needed done.

The thing I did not know of course, the clocks were all set different on different levels of the house. I went around and set all 25 clocks to the same time. I was so happy.

I did not tell her because I wanted her to be surprised.

I was anxious to hear her commend me for a “job well done.” I was not prepared for what she was going to do.

When I arrived on her property, she comes out yelling and screaming at me at the top of her lungs. Trust me, she had lungs. At first, I could not understand what she was so upset about.

“Did you,” she said hysterically, “reset all the clocks in my house?”

I smiled back at her and said quite cheerfully, “Yes, ma’am, I did.” Read More→

Comments Comments Off on Not Everything in Life Is Automatic
Dec
05

Is it a fragrance or a stench?

Posted by: | Comments Comments Off on Is it a fragrance or a stench?

This past week I had to go to the mall. I know, I should know better, but I thought I could sneak in, get what I needed and sneak out again. So much for my thoughts.

I wanted to purchase several tie chains for my neckties and searched every jewelry store and nobody had them. Finally, I ordered three online, which would be shipped free, (which always gets my attention) to the nearest store, which happened to be in the mall.

I do not like the mall and choose not to go there if I can help it. When in the mall, I am usually very nervous and get confused and do not know which way I am going. Once I get in, I am not quite sure how to get out again. Everything seems to be contrived to confuse a person like myself.

Looking down at the ground while walking I became rather confused and I happen to turn into an open door.

My mall savvy is not sophisticated in the least. The door I turned into happened to be for the store Victoria’s Secret. I do not know who Victoria is, I did not know what the store was all about, but when I got in the store, I discovered Victoria’s Secret much to my great embarrassment.

That is exactly the reason I do not like going into the malls. They have places like this that a gentleman, such as Yours Truly, should never enter.

I am not sure how I got out of that store, all I can remember was a great deal of hilarious laughter thrown in my direction from inside. I just hope they did not recognize me. They probably did not, because I had all my clothes on.

It has been a long time since that incident and now I had to go and pick up my order. I put together a plan to sneak in very quietly, pick up my order and tiptoe out as quietly as I came in.

You know what they say about well-laid plans! Whether mine was well laid or not, it blew up in my face.

I did slip into the mall and found the store where my order was. I picked them up and quietly turned around and started for the door. How I got turned around is any man’s guess. Actually, I think I turned around too many times. For the next 15 minutes, I tried to find the way I came in so I could go out.

The trouble started when I hesitated. I stopped to try to get my bearings and in stopping a young woman approached me.

“How do you do today, sir,” she said most cheerfully.

I nodded and tried to get away as graciously as possible.

She would have none of it. “And how do you smell today, sir?”

Had I been in my right sense of mind, I would have told her I smelled with my nose. Being in a confused state of affairs, I had no quick come back for her. It was then that she introduced me to her product. Read More→

Comments Comments Off on Is it a fragrance or a stench?

About CWAHM:





** Disclaimer **
The views expressed by the bloggers on this website are not necessarily the views held by CWAHM.com or it's owners. Please see our Statement of Faith for details on what we believe.

About Us | Privacy Policy