Homeschooling? Discouraged? Part 3

Behavior!

My wife and I have had a great deal of experience, both in our own homeschooling and in relating to other homeschooling families. One of the more serious things we have dealt with is the concern of parents over the behavior of their children in public. Of course we should train our children to interact well with others or to exhibit Christian values. Those are good things. The problem comes when the behavior concerns have little to do with the children

Raising kids is not about you. It’s about them. This is serious. I have seen so many homeschool parents greatly bothered about the things their kids do because of what people at church or in the community will think. But they aren’t worried about what these folks will think of the kids. They are worried about what they will think of the parents. "Kids wouldn’t act like that if they had good parenting!" Heaven forbid that the children should embarrass the parents in front of others. You would think that child-raising is all about the parents. It isn’t.

Kids learn differently and they act differently. They react differently to situations and they think differently about life. If you try to make your kids all the same, you are doing them a disservice. If you try to make them like other people’s kids, you are probably hurting them. One wiggles while he learns. One has to have noise, so she sings or hums. Another cares so much about others that he can’t focus on his own work.

These aren’t bad things – they are just different. Work them out, but don’t rob your kids of their individuality. And, guess what: they are probably different from you… and that’s ok too. This isn’t about you.

Let me say it this way: God could raise kids in the woods someplace and bring them out fully developed as adults. He doesn’t. Instead, He puts them in families to be raised. The only reason I can think of is that He has something to teach parents. So be humble and learn from your kids.

As you interact with your children you will learn fairly quickly that they think different than you. Suddenly you have to find a way to communicate with someone else, especially if you want to teach that person. There is great adventure and even joy in finding new ways to teach your children – and you will learn a lot in the process. If you try to force them to learn your way, you not only make it harder for them but you also make it harder and less enjoyable for you. And, believe it or not, you will become a better person because you will have learned to value someone’s differences and you have developed the ability to listen.

A Final Note

Remember that the Lord already loves you. You can’t do anything to make Him love you more than He already does. You are already accepted by Him and acceptable to Him. He doesn’t want you to work harder; He wants you to rest in Him. He wants you to be confident in what He has done, not try to add to what He has done. A failure here and there does not change His love for you, nor is He ever disappointed with you. He knows exactly how things will work out and He has always known and He has always loved you.

Listen: He loves your kids more than you do. He cares about their lives and the success of their jobs and marriages and all. But He cares more about their hearts. He wants them to know that He is not a bully, not a Judge who is waiting to get them. He wants them to know that He loves them. Be sure that you tell your kids about His love for them and be sure that you are secure in His love for them. He may allow them to take a path that brings concern for you, but He will never turn His back on them. You can trust Him.

You see, discouragement comes from thinking that you have to do something or be something that seems unreachable. You run through your day – cleaning, scolding, motivating, teaching, cooking, and all the hundreds of other things – and you can’t see progress. All you can see is that the goal is still far away. But the goal isn’t perfect children who move the world. The goal is happy children who are secure in the Lord’s love and are able to navigate through life with Christ as their center. It doesn’t matter what others think or how well others do. It only matters that, ultimately, your children remember the love of the Lord and the love of their parents.

Relax – you are probably doing better than you think!

c David Orrison, PhD

(This is the first in a series of brief articles on homeschooling discouragement. Read the entire article and find more encouragement at www.gracefortheheart.org)

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Dr. David Orrison has been a homeschooling dad for nearly 25 years. He and his wife, Alice, have 8 sons. He has been a pastor for nearly 30 years and is now the director of Grace for the Heart, a ministry designed to proclaim the sufficiency of Jesus Christ in all areas of the Christian life.