The Fine Line: Weaving Purpose within the Pain

By Kary Oberbrunner

In the spring of 2003, Mark told me that Jennifer was experiencing pain in her stomach. Confirmation soon came: Jennifer had stomach cancer.

From the first day of the diagnosis, the Palmers believed that God could supernaturally heal Jennifer. Believing in the power of prayer, the Palmers asked their friends to share Jennifer’s story with their networks of relationships and encourage them to pray as well.

The news was shocking, especially because Jennifer was only 26-years-old and the mother of a toddler. Mark and Jennifer were good people, doing so much for their community – striving to be relevant, to love God and people. About a week after the news hit, Mark wrestled with the possible outcomes concerning this type of cancer. Fear was setting in.

He said he was frightened that he might have to spend the rest of his life without his best friend and lover. He was frightened that Micah would never know his mother. He was frightened about all the pain that Jennifer would face and that his family would not be able to sustain the emotional and physical toll that cancer brings.

More quickly than he could anticipate, some of Mark’s fears came true. In late April Jennifer had surgery and the doctors discovered that tumors had spread across her entire abdomen. The cancer was so extensive that there was no course of treatment. They placed a tube in Jennifer’s stomach to drain fluid and provide her a little comfort, and then they closed her up.

Mark shared the startling reality, “There is really nothing they can do at this point. The doctors say she has a few months left to live.”

In the midst of this, Mark tried to cling to a divine perspective. He said, “All of this has changed nothing in regard to who God is and what He is able to do. We simply find ourselves in a position where only a direct and miraculous act of the Father will change the situation. God knows that Micah and I are not ready to give up our mother and wife. But in reality, she is not ours to give up-she is God’s. She is his and he will care for her.”

God seemed committed to remind the Palmers that he loved them and knew about their pain. Throughout Jennifer’s terminal illness, followers of Christ were present in amazing ways, providing money, meals, and prayer. These tangible acts of grace were a strong reminder that they were not alone.

Mark no longer took anything for granted, savoring every moment as sacred. Two daily events meant the world to him. “The first event begins my day,” Mark explained. “It’s waking up for the first time in the early morning, and touching Jennifer’s hand, to feel its warmth. I touch her chest to feel the gentle rise and fall of it. The rhythm of her breathing has become familiar in the last five years; I sense I will never forget that particular rhythm. I then lay quietly for as long as I like, and simply watch her sleep.”

“The second event ends my day,” Mark shared. “It is the act of putting my 15-month-old son Micah to bed. After bath time, we rock a bit, and sing. We talk of the future. I tell him in as many different ways as I know how that he means everything to me. I pray, asking God to make him a prophet in the tradition of his namesake. I pray Jennifer’s prayer for him, that he will love his enemies as much as he loves his neighbors. We cuddle. And then with a goodnight kiss, I lay him to sleep. This event closes my day, and completes it.”

Mark had the wisdom to know that both of these events-like all things in life-would not last forever, but that didn’t make them any easier to let go.

A Long Summer

In the summer of 2003, Jennifer was in the midst of her second round of chemotherapy. She had some additional CT scans, the first ones since the beginning of her treatment. The scans showed the worst. The cancer doubled in size and aggressively spread throughout other areas of her body.

Because of the bad report, Jennifer would not continue her current form of treatment and the doctors didn’t want her to eat any longer, fearing possible damage to her digestive system. As a result, Jennifer was admitted to the hospital to receive nutrition fed through the central line in her chest.

The news was incredibly disappointing.

Still the Palmers remained hopeful. Mark confessed, “God’s will is still for Jennifer to be completely whole and healthy and disease free. That is His will for all of his children. Jennifer’s news doesn’t change the fact that the death and resurrection of Jesus of 2,000 years ago provided for not only our spiritual healing, but for our physical as well.”

Despite Mark and Jennifer’s faith, her illness was wearing on them. Mark reached an emotional low in July. He questioned, “Have you ever watched your 26-year-old wife squirm in complete agony, calling out to God to take away her pain, only to have it grow worse?” The next evening, at about midnight, they took Jennifer to the emergency room. Morphine was the only thing that would relieve her pain.

Two weeks later, the cancer lashed out again. The entire week was torture for Jennifer. Finally, on Sunday, she returned to the emergency room. While there, waste began to drain from the tube in her stomach – Jennifer’s stomach and bowels had fused together, and waste could now pass freely into her abdomen.

Jennifer stopped receiving nutrition, since it was only feeding the tumors and making her sicker. And so it was that Mark brought Jennifer home so that she could be comfortable during her last days. At home they controlled the constant pain with injections of medicine. Sometimes Jennifer was aware, and sometimes she wasn’t.

Eleven days later, life looked quite differently for the Palmer family. None of us saw it unraveling the way it did. And even though I don’t understand it or agree with the outcome, God was weaving a story.

Kary Oberbrunner, MDiv, DMin, is a self-proclaimed “Recovering Pharisee” and founder of Redeem the Day Ministries. The author of The Fine Line, Called, and The Journey toward Relevance, he serves as the Pastor of Discipleship and Leadership Development at Grace Church in Powell, Ohio. Kary and his soul-mate, Kelly, are blessed parents of Keegan and Isabel. Contact him at KaryOberbrunner.com.

[Excerpt from The Fine Line: Re-envisioning the Gap between Christ and Culture. Used with permission from Zondervan Publishing. ISBN: 0310285453.]