Practicing Submission in a Military Marriage

by Jocelyn Green

“You’re not my XO!”

I still cringe as I remember saying those words to my new husband, an executive officer in the Coast Guard. I bristled at his leadership, especially since his frequent trips to sea fostered my own sense of independence during his absences.

I knew that God tells wives we are to submit to our husbands (Colossians 3:18), but what does that mean in the context of a military lifestyle? Is it even possible?

I’ve finally come to realize that submission is a disposition to honor and affirm the husband’s leadership, not a mandate to stop thinking for myself. Submission is an attitude which we can nurture whether or not our husbands are physically present.

For example, imagine you go to the mall during a deployment. You fall in love with something you see, but the price tag is beyond your normal budget. Would you buy it anyway? Email your husband about it to get his OK? Decide not to buy it since it’s not in the budget you had planned with your husband?

The latter two choices both demonstrate a submissive attitude. Going against your budget without your husband’s consent communicates a low regard for his decisions.

Compare ourselves to the characteristics in the two lists below are a good way to determine how well we are demonstrating submission. Think about all areas of life, including childrearing, housework and maintenance, budgeting issues, spiritual life and more.

What submission is not
Being submissive does not mean:

• Letting your husband do all the thinking for the family
• Agreeing with everything your husband says
• Putting your husband’s will above God’s will
• Avoiding every effort to change your husband
• Depending on your husband for all your personal and spiritual strength
• Acting out of fear

What submission is
Being submissive does mean:

• Fostering a disposition to follow your husband’s authority
• Managing to the best of your ability those areas your husband has delegated to you
• Telling your husband when you need to talk about a decision more before you are comfortable with it
• Willingly showing respect and honor to your husband
• Building up your husband so he is empowered to lead

Tips for practicing submission
If submission is an attitude, behaviors serve as barometers of your heart. Here are practical ways we can demonstrate a submissive spirit to your husband:

• Give him helpful suggestions, not sarcastic putdowns.
• Listen to him without interrupting. Don’t finish his sentences for him.
• Keep your house in order as a service to your husband and family.
• Think through possible solutions for family issues and present them to your husband.
• Make an effort to talk to him before making big decisions.
• Keep him in the loop about family and household affairs while he’s deployed.
• Accept constructive criticism; we all have room for improvement.
• Pray for the right words before you have a serious talk. It helps your tone be more respectful.

The measure of our leadership and submission does not lie in who does what task, but in our attitudes as we seek to demonstrate the order God has specified for the family. It takes commitment, humility and responsibility on both sides as both partners submit to God above all else.

About the Author:
Jocelyn Green is the author of Faith Deployed: Daily Encouragement for Military Wives (Moody Publishers 2008) and Stories of Faith and Courage from the War in Iraq and Afghanistan (forthcoming, AMG Publishers fall 2009). She maintains a Web site and blog offering support and resources for military wives at www.faithdeployed.com and is an award-winning freelance writer who pens articles for dozens of magazines, including Christianity Today, Today’s Pentecostal Evangel, InSite, EFCA Today, Baptist Bulletin, Campus Life, Today’s Christian, BestSemester and more. She also writes for nonprofits, universities and corporations such as Juicy Juice, Nestle, Publix and General Mills. Her devotions also appear at InternetCafeDevotions.com and ChristianDevotions.us. Jocelyn is an active member of the Evangelical Press Association and the Christian Authors Network. She and her husband have two children, a dog and a cat, and make their home in Cedar Falls, Iowa. For more about Jocelyn, visit www.jocelyngreen.com.