Simple Acts of Daily Kindness Convey a Ton of Love

When we were just newlyweds back from our honeymoon, my handsome new husband surprised me and said, “When you do the laundry, this is how I want you to fold my clothes – socks, handkerchiefs, T-shirts, etc.”

My eyes grew wide wondering what I had gotten myself into. But not having any better way to do it, I went along with his request. After all, how did I know how to fold a man’s clothes when I was only twenty-one? The drawers actually looked neat and I always felt a sense of satisfaction when it was put away.

I continued that practice over the next two decades. Yet I was surprised when one night as we were getting ready for bed my husband turned to me and said, “I can tell you really love me.”

“Oh, really,” I replied. “What makes you say that?”

“Because every morning I open my dresser drawers, I’ve never run out of clean clothes,” he said.

I smiled back at him and thought to myself, If that’s all it takes to make him feel loved, I can do that! And the laundry continued to get folded as I recalled his words.

BUT the story wasn’t over that easily.

We moved to a new home with room for only l long towel bar in the master bath. And honestly I became annoyed when David laid out his towel open over mine to dry. Mine was never dry as this practice continued and I wasn’t too happy about a damp towel.

Every morning began with that marital rift between us until I brought it up one Saturday.

“Honey,” I began (which I only happen to say when I am broaching a sensitive topic when I want something.) “Did you know that I teach women across the country how to fold towels in thirds with the “Decorative Edge” on the sides? This allows two towels to sit side by side and would really solve our towel problem.”

“Problem?” he replied, “There’s no problem. I just have to do it this way so it will be dry the next time I use it. I can just put up another towel bar – anywhere you want.”

Well, after measuring and pondering where “anywhere” was for that second towel bar, I proclaimed it didn’t fit into our decorating scheme of things. So we continued the banter back and forth, until we realized a folded towel didn’t dry enough if you showered twice in the same day, but did dry overnight. That had begun his “spread out look” but wasn’t really necessary every day, we agreed.

After that definitive discussion, I noticed the next morning that his towel was folded nicely as requested. But I wasn’t ready to thank him for a one day gesture. I just placed mine neatly next to his.

About 10 days later of neatly folded towels I smiled at David one morning and said, “David, I can tell you really love me.” (A couple years had passed since he used that line on me so I knew he had forgotten about it.)

“Oh,” he responded in surprise. “Why is that?”

“Well, you know… you fold your towel the way I like it. Thank you.”

He smiled and we had solved one of the many problems in marriage together.

The moral of the story? Love is not just a matter of candlelight and roses on Valentine’s Day. It’s a matter of everyday kindnesses around the house by doing thoughtful organizing actions to make the day easier for the people you live with whether putting away your dishes in the dishwasher, taking out the trash, or putting the laundry away everyday.

So now it’s your turn. What has your spouse, child, or roommate complained about lately? Never cleaning up the dishes, meals not on time, or dirty socks on the floor?

It’s not a sign of weakness to fix the problem from your end. Actually you will have a stronger relationship for getting for putting in an organizing system that works.

So what can you do? Here’s some tips to start you off:

Him: Pick up your socks and hang up your clothes. You didn’t marry a maid, you married a wife!

Her: Put away your makeup each day. He has enough hurdles to cross each morning without you adding to it.

Him: Take out the trash without being asked. it’s the manly thing to do.

Her: Clean up the kitchen and sit down for a minute to talk. Stop your whirlwind motions and be his “date.”

Him: Express appreciation for a home cooked meal. The meals will probably start improving when you do!

Her: For fun e-mail him what’s for dinner and what time it will be ready. I did this for my family and they all showed up on time!

Together: Discuss whether paper piles and housecleaning chores are working out for your lifestyle. If not, ask what would be most important to improve and work on a solution for that one problem.

Together: Appreciate the strengths of your partner and tell them so. Hold back on the complaints until you get a regular “Appreciation Fan Club” of sincere compliments going in their direction.

“Getting Your Spouse to Do Things” Story: One time when I worked with a decorator who said, “Marcia, I’ve never seen anyone get their husband to do so much. how do you do I?”

I hadn’t thought about that, but the answer came quickly. “I think carefully about what i want done and only show him a short list of three things I want done, and then thank David profusely for doing it!”

VALENTINE’S WEEK: So get organized at home, clean up your “messes,” and be kind to your Sweetheart, roommate, children, dog, or cat. It’s a great way to build a lasting love, one kindness at a time.

Happy Valentine’s Day.

Marcia Ramsland is well known as “The Organizing Pro” for her practical skills and tips to manage busy lives. She is a speaker, author, and media guest expert appearing on TV, radio, and in national magazines for her popular books Simplify Your Life, Simplify Your Time, and Simplify Your Holidays (Thomas Nelson). Visit her website, www.organizingpro.com for free tips.

Several years ago I offered to take the checkbook back from my husband. Twelve months earlier our youngest son had been experiencing countless sleepless nights, along with numerous other challenges. Realizing I was overwhelmed, my husband had taken over the checkbook and all of its correlating duties to relieve me of some stress.

A year later our son had begun sleeping much better and, consequently, so was I.

I felt better able to take back the responsibility of bookkeeper of the family. On this particular day when I suggested the transition, my husband hesitated and said, “Just a minute.”

I watched him sit down at the dining room table, grab a calculator and start tapping on the buttons. He would look quietly at the checkbook register, scratch his head, mumble something meant only for his ears, and begin tapping on the various buttons again. After witnessing this disturbing scene for a while, I asked him, “Is there something wrong?”

“Well, the balance doesn’t seem to be coming out right,” he replied.

Remaining calm, I inquired, “When was the last time you balanced it?”

“Balanced it?” he questioned.
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The good news? Lately, I’ve been lunching at restaurants with friends almost every weekday. The bad news? I have dined with more women that have “just had it” with their husbands than I would care to.

How does a marriage deteriorate to such a low point a teammate no longer wants to play? There are several reasons, of course, but various marriage experts tell us the number one reason for failure in marriage is selfishness. Philippians 2:3 admonishes us to do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than ourselves. What does that look like? Where do we find an example of unselfishness in a very selfish world?

Many years ago a supreme, omnipotent being sent the most precious gift possible, an only child, down to earth to help a planet full of people in trouble. He didn’t have a houseful of children, He only had one, a son, and He sent him down to earth to help us overcome life and death. First, life—while we are on this planet; and, second, death—our inevitable and final destination.
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Read any headlines lately? Seen the newest Halloween masks in the stores? Walk down the street alone in the dark? Yikes. It’s scary out there.

We live in a world that is frightening. War, greed, violence, selfishness, shortages…there seems to be plenty of that in this world.

What or who makes you feel safe?

Women’s libbers, sorry to burst your I-can-do-it-by-myself bubble, but my husband is my protector. I like it when my man opens my door for me. I like it when, as we walk, he gently places a protective hand at the small of my back to guide me around an obstacle in my path. I like it when, as we walk along a street, he walks closest to the traffic, providing me a barrier from possible danger and pot hole splashes.
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“We need this exit,” I abruptly told my husband. We had been deep into a friendly discussion and, not realizing the turn was so close, I had failed to give him my usual warning time.

“You’re wrong!” was his emphatic answer as he drove right passed the exit. Our friendly conversation was forgotten, the mood changed in an instant.

My husband and I were in the car—again—this time, on our way to Georgia to help our daughter-in-law settle into a new apartment while our son was otherwise engaged with the military. Thankfully, she was following behind us in another vehicle rather than listening to the debate in our car.

“I’m the one with the map!” I reminded him.
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Luke 10:38-42
“Now it happened as they went that He entered a certain village; and a certain woman named Martha welcomed Him into her house. 39 And she had a sister called Mary, who also sat at Jesus’* feet and heard His word. But Martha was distracted with much serving, and she approached Him and said, “Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Therefore tell her to help me.” And Jesus* answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her.” NKJV

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Hunter and Haley have been married nearly ten years. They already have two preschoolers. To outsiders their marriage would appear to be a success, but not everything is as appearances suggest. Before they were married Hunter wanted to go overseas and teach English in a two-thirds world country. Haley resisted the idea, citing health concerns, poor pay, and the lack of good schools for their children. To accommodate his wife, Hunter reluctantly gave up his dream and has spent his career in a civil service position instead.

Today he finds himself struggling with anger and resentment toward her. He seems obsessed with the past, imagining what life could have been like it he had not listened to her. "If only," he says day after day to himself. "If only I had followed my heart."

Jack and Courtney have been married seven years. Jack comes home from work one day and finds the house strangely quiet. When he walks up to their bedroom, he discovers Courtney’s closet is empty. Bewilderment soon gives way to panic, and Jack begins furiously searching the house for some clue to what has happened. In his hunt, he at first misses the obvious – a note pinned to a throw pillow on the bed. Trembling, he picks it up and scans its contents. Read the rest of this entry »

Marriage is a two way street, no doubt about that. Last week my husband came home from work and
started complaining about an ingrown toenail; automatically I showed him mine. Then he started
talking about his dry hands, again I showed him mine. I didn’t think much about it, until my son
came home from school and started talking about his chapped lip. Again I talked about mine. OMG!
How rude and selfish have I been. That’s where the idea for this article came from.

1) Me

Try and use the word "Me" less! You probably don’t even realize how often you use that word. Same
with the word "I". Once you catch yourself using that word try and think of something else to say
in it’s place. Like maybe "You". How is your ingrown toenail, how are your chapped lips, etc.

2) Lighten Up

Laugh, act silly, tell jokes! If you are anything like me you are the "Mature One"; Sometimes I
feel like I’ve lost my sense of humor cause I am always being "Mom". Responsibility tends to
suck the life out of you. Try and find some humor in life, even if it means reading a book of
jokes. Here’s a starter " What did one Volcano say to the other"? I Lava You!

3) Think Back

Find a nice, quiet, relaxing place and close your eyes. Think back to when you and your spouse
first met. What attracted him to you? Remeber how jealous you got when someone flirted with him?
Remember how you felt just being around him; you didn’t want to leave his side.

4) Communicate

When he comes home from work don’t start griping about the kids, your job, etc. {There’s time
later for that}. Find interesting things to talk about, keep up with current events, read the
newspaper, watch the news. Try and talk about something beside the kids and jobs. Ask questions!

What would you do if you won the lottery?
If you could live anywhere, Where?
If you could have one physical thing changed, what?

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

This article was written by Jan Emo. Jan is a wahm, freelance writer, and editor of "Lighten Up"
ezine. You can subscribe to her Biz Orientated with Humor {free ads} newsletter at:
http://LightenUp.notlong.com.

What have you done lately to show the woman you married that you love her? Did you take her out to dinner? Maybe you bought her some flowers or chocolates? A man likes to do these things for a woman because it’s easy and fast. But is your wife really appreciating the flowers and chocolates? In this article I have mentioned a few other useful tricks you can do to show your wife that you love her.

1. Validate the woman you married

A woman needs her man to validate her feelings. I know sometimes this is challenging for you to do, especially if you disagree with something she needs your support on. There is a correct way to do this without being offensive and hurting her feelings.

First of all be understanding of your wife’s feelings and then collaborate her on her thoughts and ideas even if they differ from yours. In essence, when you listen to your wife’s feelings, without criticizing her, you have essentially given her the validation she needs. Everyone needs validation from time to time; it makes them feel useful and productive individuals.

By trying to be more understanding, essentially you will be respecting the woman you married. Tell her how much you like her decorating style, or how she manages the home, or the way she dresses. Find the things about your wife you really like, be honest and tell her the great things you love about her instead of keeping those feelings inside.

Validation is a form of acceptance that you can give your wife. By accepting her for the woman she is it will make her feel safe and secure being your wife. A woman who feels safe and loved by her man will ultimately give more of her self to him

Ironically, a husband can validate his wife’s feelings better when he takes the role of spiritual leader in the home. A man who feels secure in his position is more likely to make his wife feel good about who she is in the marriage. They work better together as a team, accomplishing more for them selves and the marriage.

2. Be more Affectionate with your wife

Hold your wife’s hand while watching TV, taking a walk, or driving in the car. Massage her back or feet without asking for anything in return. Your wife likes to be touched and fussed over occasionally, know when that time is by being attune to your wife’s feelings, and paying special attention to your wife on those days.

2. Surprise your wife with something totally unexpected

Instead of golfing with your buddies on Saturday, take your wife to a romantic outside lunch if it is summer or fireplace lunch in the winter. Then take her to a romantic comedy matinee movie. Or if you have the money to spend, book a hotel room for the night with a Jacuzzi and enjoy the night together! Your wife will love all this.

Make her a homemade all-occasion card on the computer telling her how important she is to you in your life. Make her feel special. Get creative, draw her a picture, and spend time on creating this card, she will love it that you took the time to make her a card rather than simply buying one from the store. It is the simple things in life that mean the most.

4. Give your wife the whole day off from cooking, children, and house cleaning.

This isn’t too hard. On your day off do everything for her. Do all the things she does for you. If you don’t know how to cook, order pizza or Chinese food. Let your wife spend the day with her friends shopping or going to lunch, etc. When she comes home give her a back rub, take her shoes off, draw her a hot bubble bath and let her take a long bath. When she comes out from her bath, light the candles, caress her some more and just be there for her all the rest of the evening. Be her loving, romantic and protecting man so she can be the woman God made her to be for you.

5. Appreciate all that your wife does

All of the above will show your wife that you love her and appreciate her for everything that she does. Being understanding of your wife’s feelings and needs on a consistent basis will improve the quality of your marriage a great deal. By taking the respective roles that God has designed for each gender will greatly enhance the happiness of your marriage. Be the man of the house so she can be the lady of the house.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Angie Lewis is the author of "Love The Man You Married", a women’s handbook for marriage that brings back the greatest design for marriage there ever was. Angie reveals the biblical secrets for the ideal marriage, from infidelity to forgiveness, where each chapter desribes in detail the divinly inspired answers for you to apply into your marriage.

Are you a controlling wife? Do you take your husband for granted? Most women don’t realize it but they abuse their husbands daily just by their actions. Many women of today feel that marriage revolves solely around them and their husband’s are supposed to give them everything their heart desires.

If we aren’t getting what we want from our man could it be because we are not treating our man like a man? Stop pushing him around and he’ll come around.

1. Don’t undermine your husband’s decision making

This is a biggy in marriage. Isn’t it true that we women want things our way! We have been taught from grade school to go after our dreams and aspirations in life no matter what the consequences, even if that means rejecting our husband’s needs and wishes. We do what WE want and what WE need. Why would a woman of today be so determined to chip away at her husband’s manly authority and advice?

Face it ladies, we haven’t exactly helped to make our man feel like a man. If we don’t accept the man we married, why would we expect to get what we want from him? If we are rejecting, blaming, controlling, demeaning, undermining, and complaining about our husbands we certainly aren’t respecting the man we married.

If we weaken our husband’s manly resolve what’s left but our feminist attitude and bossy selfish egos? Are we taking the man we married for granted? I think we are and that’s what’s killing marriage! How do I know all this? I used to undermine my husband all the time. I wouldn’t let him be the man of the house. I was bossy and rebellious. I want you to know what I have come to know. It’s great!

2. Don’t reject your husband

How many times last month did you tell your husband that you were too tired or had a headache or simply shrugged him off because you were mad at him? Probably more times then you really think. Shouldn’t we want to satisfy our husband’s needs every single day, regardless, whether we feel like it or not? We women need to please and satisfy the men we’re married to and we’ll get our hearts desire. We really will!

3. Give your husband space (time with buddies)

Do you complain because your husband likes to have free time away with the guys? Maybe you feel he should be home doing chores or watching the children on his day off. But face it ladies, our man deserves time away to be with his friends to play golf, fish or hunt, or whatever it is he does just as much as we deserve to be with our friends. Did you know that a husband that is allowed the freedom to be with his buddies is a happier and more content filled man? Isn’t that what we want anyway?

4. Cook your husband hot and nutritious meals every day

It is so true that one way to our man’s heart is through his stomach. Ask any man and he’ll tell you. I know that some of you ladies who work out of the home just don’t have the time to cook nice meals everyday. Buy a crock-pot and a crock-pot cookbook and learn to make delicious homemade meals with it. Crock-pot cooking is so simple. You throw all the ingredients in the pot and it cooks safely all day, and the food will be ready when you both come home from work.

5. Respect your husband

What’s so hard about respecting the man we married? If we control the marriage and feel that our husband can’t do anything as good as we can, we certainly won’t be able to respect him, right? Is treating your husband like one of the children respecting him? Is complaining about their faults respecting him? Is telling him what he’s going to do respecting him? Is rejecting him sexually respecting him? Is belittling him respecting him? Well then, stop doing all these things and you are on your way to respecting the man you married.

6. Let your husband protect you

God made man to be the protector of women. Men love to do it, they want to do it, and they feel like a man when we let them do it. But most married women don’t feel they need protected because they can take care of themselves. They carry mace, a gun and take karate classes and act like a man and still, they are getting beaten, raped, manhandled, and murdered. If a woman is married why on earth would she want to take away her husbands god-given natural abilities as a protector?

A married woman needs to allow her husband do his job in the manner in which he does it best, by protecting and loving his wife with the natural abilities God gave him. How can a man do that when the woman won’t let him? This is how a man loves his woman!

Seriously now, it’s really that simple. What would happen if we didn’t allow our husbands to protect us? We would be rejecting their love for us. Don’t you want to be loved by your man? Did you know that when we don’t let our husband’s love us the way God meant for a man to love his wife, we are rebelling against God?

7. Submit to your husband (love God)

Ladies, first you must learn to submit to God. This was a major issue in my marriage for many years because I didn’t accept God. I was looking out into the world for the answers to my marriage problems when the answers were within my spiritual self the whole time. I finally grew to accept and love God. That is the root of submitting right there.

By growing out from the selfish person I was, I learned to understand what submitting to my husband was all about. Once a woman learns to submit to her husband she will see that by submitting she is actually in more control of the marriage and a better marriage wife because of it. In other words, a woman will not lose anything of her self by submitting but will gain more of herself that was lost.

"Now I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God." 1 Corinthian’s 11:3

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Angie Lewis is the author of "Love The Man You Married", a women’s handbook for marriage that brings back the greatest design for marriage there ever was. Angie reveals the biblical secrets for the ideal marriage, from infidelity to forgiveness, where each chapter desribes in detail the divinly inspired answers for you to apply into your marriage.