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7 Reason Why Loving my Spouse Benefits my Children

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The greatest gift you can give your children is to pass on your faith in Christ.

The next greatest gift is to love your spouse.  Here’s 7 reasons why:

1.  It ties a rope of security around their hearts.
2.  It sets a positive example for their future marriage.
3.  It gives them a strong sense of personal identity. Read the rest of this entry »

Follow Me Out: Reflections from a Former Victim of Domestic Violence

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By Marie Barlow Martin

 Follow Me Out: Reflections from a Former Victim of Domestic Violence Of all the roles I have played in my career in musical theater, my favorite role was that of Eliza Doolittle in “My Fair Lady.”  When Eliza exclaims, “The difference between a lady and a flower girl is not how she behaves but how she is treated,” I knew exactly what that meant.  Because at the time I became Eliza on stage, at home, I was living as the victim of domestic abuse.October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and I have a burden for women who share my story.  Statistics are startling, but having lived through it, not surprising.  On average, a woman in the United States is battered by a partner every 12 to 15 seconds.  Up to six million women are believed to be beaten in their homes each year.  And over thirty percent of all homicides of women in America are committed by intimate partners.  I have vivid flashbacks of the nights of terror, wondering at times if I would live or die – often wishing for the latter.  Spending nights hiding in my locked car – huddled in the back – the safest place I could find.  Praying out loud to God –as violent hands gripped tightly around my neck – that He would send his mighty angels to protect me in that moment of surrender to my assailant.

I had not told anyone of my circumstance, and looking back now, I realize what a mistake that was.  But the chaos of such a life began to seem normal.  And I began to believe that I didn’t deserve better treatment – that I was worthless and that it was somehow my fault.  The most influential and important voice in my life at the time was telling me I was nothing but a lowly flower girl…and I believed it.  And in virtual isolation, who was I to tell?  Who would believe me anyway?  After all, my husband and I faithfully attended bible study and fellowship several days a week.  He was liked by everyone.  To the few who knew us in public, we were a fine pair, yet in the privacy of our darkness, we kept the secret locked away. Read the rest of this entry »

An Old Testament Example of God Healing Past Hurts

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One of the great figures of the Old Testament is a man named Joseph. As a 17 year old boy, he was viciously beaten, thrown into a pit to die, and ultimately sold into slavery. Was he the victim of some marauding band of foreigners or a local gang of thugs? No, it was his very own brothers who inflicted this unspeakable pain on his young heart.

Joseph would spend the next 13 years of his life, living as a slave in a foreign country. Though he served his master with faithfulness and integrity, he was falsely accused by his owner’s wife of a serious crime he did not commit. The result was, he was thrown into prison, without trial and left to languish for years on end.
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Pride – The Truly Original Sin

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By Bob and Cheryl Moeller

Several years ago when our children were still quite young I decided to take them for an afternoon visit to Timber-lee Christian Center, a Christian camp that has a petting zoo, just north of the Wisconsin border. We walked into the gated area and found goats, sheep, Shetland ponies, and oh yes, llamas milling about us. The children quickly noticed there was food pellets for sale in vending machines to feed the animals.

My pockets were soon emptied of quarters, so the children could buy and feed the docile farm animals. They were particularly interested in feeding the strange looking llama. The kids giggled with delight as they reached out their hand and the llama approached them to nuzzle down the pellet. It looked like fun to me but there was one problem — I was out of money to buy food pellets. I decided to do the next best thing–I would pretend that I had pellets to feed the llama.

So I reached out my hand, and sure enough, the llama walked over in my direction. He reached down and nuzzled for food in the palm of my hand.

It took a moment for him to catch on to the scam but once he realized he had been tricked, he took one or two steps back, then reared up his head –and spit in my face. Suddenly my glasses went green. (I’ve since learned that llama spit is bile that comes up from their stomach. Just thinking about the ugly journey before reaching me is sickening.)

I’ll admit I was momentarily stunned by this brazen and unexpected display of disrespect. I did the only thing a self-respecting man would do in such a situation–I took one or two steps back, reared up my head and spit back at the llama. It would be difficult to describe the look of astonishment on my children’s faces at my behavior.

Later over lunch I heard them secretly whisper to Cheryl, “Mom, Dad spit at the llama this morning.”

“Oh, your father has been under a great deal of stress lately,” she said in my defense. Read the rest of this entry »

Staying Strong during Family Crises

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A painful and perplexing family crisis can erupt without warning.   It can demoralize and distract our marriage and family.  Family crises can include physical, mental, emotional, behavioral, spiritual, or financial problems.

Learn how to strengthen yourself in God when things hit bottom:

1.  Seek together God’s guidance before deciding on a plan of action.

“He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way.” Psalm 25:9


2.  Believe God can restore everything and everyone you thought beyond rescue.

“The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned.” Isaiah 9:2

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Your Marriage: Are you Trying to Play the Sculptor on Your Mate?

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By Bob and Cheryl Moeller

When we are trying to play the sculptor with our mate, it simply means we don’t like the way our mate talks or behaves. We believe it’s our calling in life to change him or her. So we constantly chisel away at our spouse, trying to make them more to our liking.

There’s a big problem with playing the sculptor. Even if we are successful in changing our spouse (we’ve yet to meet someone who has), we now face a bigger problem than what we started with. We will now be married to someone who not only has their own set of problems, but ours as well.  You see, all of us if given the opportunity, will remake our spouse in our own image and that’s a tragic mistake.

Playing the sculptor is motivated by pride (”I’m better than you are, so I will fix you to be like me”). It also carries a strong element of anger. We’ve yet to meet anyone working to remake their spouse, who was not at a minimum irritated, and at worst furious, at their spouse’s basic personality traits. The anger in the relationship drips out, like water seeping from limestone walls in a cave.

Playing the sculptor may involve such things as reprimanding our mate for poor manners, showing disgust at their lack of house cleaning skills, or comparing them unfavorably with our family. In worst case scenarios, it degenerates into intimidation or threats. The common denominator in all these attitudes is the conviction our spouse fails to measure up to our standards or expectations.
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10 Ways to Make Each Day Count in Your Marriage

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by Bob and Cheryl Moeller

Life goes all too quickly. Here are 10 ways to ensure that daily living doesn’t turn our marriage into a dull and predictable routine.

1.  Treat each day as a gift from God. Say, “I love you,” at least once a day.
2.  View your spouse as the favor of God, on your life.  Give your spouse a 90 second hug, every morning.
3.  Spend time with your children, as if they were leaving home tomorrow.  And, have you smiled lately at your kids?
4.  Say the kind things now to your spouse, that you would say about them to others, if anything ever happened to your spouse.
5.  Make a life of “no regrets” your daily goal. Read the rest of this entry »

The Nagging Habit

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How both of you can go cold turkey to kick it

By Bob and Cheryl Moeller

“Steve, speak up. You always sit there and let everyone else do the talking.” “Krista, did you mail the mortgage payment? We’ll pay a huge penalty if it’s even one day past due. Turn off your computer, Krista. I’m trying to talk to you.” “Stop biting your nails?”

Sound familiar? We’re all tempted to nag now and then. I’ve been known to follow my wife around the house demanding that she remember the amount of a missing check or a recent cash withdrawal. I figure if I just repeat the question enough, she’ll remember. (I’ve also been known to discover that I wrote the missing check.)

There are two big nagging myths to debunk. First, that nagging is a feminine fault. Both men and women engage in this annoying practice.

The second myth? That nagging is the exclusive fault of the nagger. The truth is, that while one spouse may be more prone to find fault with the other, both partners share responsibility. Nagging is a lot like that spiteful teeter-totter game gradeschool kids play at recess. When I was that age, if there was underlying hostility between you and your seesawing partner, one of you would push off the ground with all your might. When done correctly, it propelled the person at the other end of the plank as hard as possible straight into the pavement. And it almost always resulted in your partner returning the favor.

In marriage, the seesaw duel looks more like this: Maddie asks Justin to do something he doesn’t want to do-at least not right now. So he responds by pretending not to hear Maddie’s request, or by offering an unsatisfactory answer like “Yeah, I’ll get to it later …”

Maddie repeats her request, accentuating each syllable to increase dramatic effect. Justin, feeling put upon (and put down), doesn’t respond.

Infuriated, Maddie resorts to rapid repetitions of her demand. Justin, observing Maddie’s agitation and frustration, indulges in a moment of carefully concealed delight. Her ridiculous behavior makes him feel, momentarily, morally superior. For a passive-aggressive personality, this is a moment of supreme triumph. Read the rest of this entry »

8 Ways to Pray for your Spouse

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by Bob and Cheryl Moeller

One of the most loving things we can do is to pray daily for our spouse.

1. Pray Jesus will bless your spouse today in some unexpected way.
2. Pray Jesus will allow you to be a source of joy to your spouse today.
3. Pray Jesus will soften (or keep soft) their heart towards you and others.
4. Pray Jesus will heal the hurts from their past, let them forgive, and give them peace. Read the rest of this entry »

How to guard your husband’s heart

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by Jocelyn Green
CoupleinloveDid you know that as wives, we can help guard our husbands’ hearts?

Dr. Gary and Barb Rosberg, America’s Family Coaches, authored the book Guard Your Heart: Protecting the Love of Your Life as just one of many resources in their campaign to Divorce-Proof America’s Marriages. The entire book is worth a read, but I’d like to just draw from one chapter today, called “Guard Your Husband’s Heart.” (A separate chapter is written for just for the men: “Guard Your Wife’s Heart.”) Speaking to wives, Barb says this:

Think about the next five years. How will your husband be more alive, more fulfilled, more content, more successful as a result of your presence in his life? What about ten years down the road? Twenty? Don’t leave the answer to chance. Determine to be the woman he needs, the co-guardian of his heart and your marriage. Commit yourself to be God’s woman in his life, as described in Proverbs 31: “Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is worth more than precious rubies. Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She will not hinder him but help him all her life” (vv.10-12). Read the rest of this entry »

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