by Cheryl Moeller

1. Any roadside diner advertising, “Home Cooking” and “Free Oil Change.”

2. Any medieval jousting match asking for your blood type and name of next of kin.

3. Any mule trip into the Grand Canyon selling only one-way tickets.

4. Any tour of a nuclear power plant promising, “You’ll be the first on your block to glow in the dark.”

5. Any Wild West rodeo cautioning, “Patrons must not feed the bulls that charge into the bleachers.”

6. Any 3D Imax theater showing, “The Fantastic Gall Bladder.” Read the rest of this entry »

by Cheryl Moeller

1. “This is boring…” Answer: Pretend you are one of the Irish Tenors and sing “Danny Boy” at the top of your voice while occasionally dabbing your eyes with a Kleenex.”

2. “It’s taking too long to get there…” Answer: Tell the kids, “The people we’re going to visit serve stewed spinach and frozen ox tongue for breakfast and lunch every day. Still want us to step on it?”

3. “I’d rather be back home in my own room…” Answer: Hold up an envelope and tear it in half again and again and say, “You’re absolutely right. I always told your grandparents these tickets to Disneyland were a stupid idea from the very beginning.”
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by CWAHM Columnist Cheryl Moeller

1. It’s no longer appropriate for mom to wear snowshoes in church.

2. Mom’s sweater with the big moose will scare people on Easter.

3. You can take the shovel out of the front seat and let your spouse sit there again.

4. When Little Ricky asks for salt at the table don’t hand him a 20 lb pound bag.

5. Dad no longer needs a pick-up truck with a hydraulic blade to get a Big Mac after midnight. Read the rest of this entry »

by Cheryl Moeller

1. When it reaches 34 degrees above zero you roll out the backyard slip-n-slide and spend the afternoon gliding on your stomach honking like an Pacific seal.

2. You wear your thermal underwear instead of nylons to formal occasions (and no one notices).

3. You use the wrong end of the snow shovel and still finish the driveway in less than 30 minutes.

4. You read by the 20 watt light in the refrigerator to combat Seasonal Affective Disorder.

5. You demand to leave your boots on during a pedicure.

6. To save time shopping you snowmobile through Walmart (causing several prices to rollback as you roar by). Read the rest of this entry »

“…the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” Galatians 5:22-23

1. The gift of Love – Know unconditional love.

“In your unfailing love you will lead the people you have redeemed. In your strength you will guide them to your holy dwelling.” Exodus 15:13

2. The gift of Joy – Thrill your heart and others with His joy! Rap it up!

“Splendor and majesty are before him; strength and joy in his dwelling place. Ascribe to the LORD, O families of nations, ascribe to the LORD glory and strength, ascribe to the LORD the glory due his name. Bring an offering and come before him; worship the LORD in the splendor of his holiness.” Duet. 16:27-29

3. The gift of Peace – Jesus has promised us peace. Jesus speaks to us and reminds us of this of this truth!

“He who does not love me will not obey my teaching. These words you hear are not my own; they belong to the Father who sent me. All this I have spoken while still with you. But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” John 14:24-27 Read the rest of this entry »

by Cheryl Moeller

While it’s a nice thought, very polite, and good manners to teach your kids to be thankful, it is not the whole truth. It’s like wishing someone good wishes, when you could be praying for them. It’s like saying a good word, when you could be saying a good word about Jesus. It’s like hoping they get well, when you could be praying and trusting for the Great Physician to heal and comfort them. It’s like standing in the middle of a field and saying thank you for the trees, instead of looking up to heaven and thanking the God and Creator of the Universe for His Creation.

This Thanksgiving, let’s not just teach our children to be thankful, let’s teach them Who to thank.

1. Crown of Thanks. Cut different shapes and colors of leaves out of colored paper. Write on the leaves what you want to thank God for. Tape on the wall, up around the ceiling. Circle the room with a crown of thanks to the Lord this.
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Mom Humor by Cheryl Moeller

… Your only friends are the clerks at the grocery store and the receptionist at your pediatrician.

… Your dinner consists of leftovers taken off everyone else’s plates.

… You can change a toddler’s diaper while he is doing cartwheels.

… You add baby formula to the mashed potatoes to avoid going to the store for another gallon of milk.

… You spend your birthday money on a kit to remove your own ear wax.

… You have to get up at 3:00 Am to take a hot bath and actually enjoy talking to the floating plastic penguins your daughter left.

… You celebrate finding the last clean diaper like most people celebrate finding a winning lottery ticket.

… You aren’t happy when your husband cleans out the car because you’ve now lost everything you own.

… You do get a night out at a fine restaurant you still try and order spaghettios with meatballs.

… You are happy if someone makes a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, for you.

… You once lived on your couch for 24 hours without getting up.

… You call your husband, dad, because, well, everyone else in the house does…

… Your kids bounce, off the ceilings, instead of off the walls.

… Your flip flops are both lefties and you can still chase your child down the driveway in less than 3.5 seconds.

… You hear your daughter say, “When I grow up, I want to be a mother, only I’ll think I’ll still comb my hair.”

1. Their husband was still snoring when the contractions were less than a minute apart.

2. The childbirth coach promised the contractions wouldn’t hurt any more than holding an ice cube in her hand. She’s never been able to take ice in her tea, since then.

3. Rather than playing soothing music in the birthing room, her husband listened to ESPN Classics rerun of the 1987 Super Bowl.

4. The doctor decided to play an additional nine holes and ordered the Pictosin drip turned down to one drip per hour. Read the rest of this entry »

by Cheryl Moeller

1. You let the kids play with the water hose — in the living room.

2. Mom and dad are doing full-out cannon ball dives into the community swimming pool — that is, until they ask you to leave.

3. Bedtime is now 7:30 sharp — in the morning.

4. You roasted s’mores with the kids over an open fire last night — that is after the marshmallow catches fire on your stovetop.

5. You make truckloads of lemonade for dinner — using the water from the fire hydrant.

6. You call your friends and tell them you’re calling from seaside at Martha’s “Grape” Vineyard — actually you’re sitting in a 2 foot plastic wading pool, after your son smears grape jelly all over his face.
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You are a Supermom……

…if you peel your kids’ grapes.
…if you do your kids’ laundry, even before they wear their clean clothes.
…if you are way more interested in planning your eight-year-old’s birthday party, than your eight-year-old is.
…if you have to limit yourself to only vacuuming 30x a day.
…if you dilute your kids’ soda pop, worried the bubbles will frighten them.
…if you bake totally organic bread, with absolutely no crust.
…if you have each kid, each day, in over 500 activities. Read the rest of this entry »