The gifts that God gives us aren’t always what we expect, aren’t always what we ask for.  He promises things like joy and peace and protection.  But we all know that we don’t walk around day in and day out all happy and not worrying and kept from all kinds of harm.  He promises us things in a different realm, he gives us things that fall more into the category of what we need, what he knows we need.

My daughter is a gorgeous specimen.  She is full of life and huge laughter and wit and she’s smart and beautiful and compassionate.  Her journey is similar to mine in the family department – daughters of divorce -  but she gratefully has had Jesus for a good ten years already, walking her through it all.

She is already learning lessons that I didn’t learn until the past few years.  She is already hearing about boundaries and forgiveness and respecting someone because we are called to and choosing when to speak certain words.

And the cool part, as my mentor (who is also her mentor) pointed out to us, she is already being entrusted with gifts.  With information, confirmation.  With little glimpses of what is really going on, that she’s not crazy, that what she’s been told is going on is really going on.  The power of seeing things for yourself cannot be overestimated.

Jesus knew she needed this.  Jesus has seen her growth and trusted her with this.  And Jesus knows that she can handle this knowledge.  It’s not a gift that she ever would have asked for.  To see these things, to know these things already.  But I believe that he will use these things in her life not only to protect her future choices, but also to bring comfort to others along the way.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:  Elisabeth is the author of At the Corner of Broken & Love: Where God Meets Us in the Everyday (Westbow),  One Girl, Third World: One Woman’s Journey into Social Justice (Kindle, Amazon), He Is Just That Into You: Stories of a Faithful God who Pursues, Engages, and Has No Fear of Commitment (WinePress), In Search of Calm: Renewal for a Mother’s Heart (Xulon), and Calm in My Chaos: Encouragement for a Mom’s Weary Soul (Kregel).  All these books can be purchased on Amazon.com in paperback or Kindle. Visit her website at www.elisabethcorcoran.com and her blog. You can follow her on Twitter at ekcorcoran or friend her onFacebook. Watch Elisabeth and her friends spread hope through Africa with Samaritan’s Purse. Elisabeth is a proud member of Redbud Writer’s Guild.

(c)Elisabeth K. Corcoran, 2012

Do you want to do something together?

Do you want to go to the park with me?

Do you want to play a game?

Do you want to watch a movie?

Picture a tenacious toddler pulling on your leg. You’re so tired. You have a hundred things to do. You haven’t gotten out of your pajamas…since Monday. You haven’t gotten around to eating breakfast yet. Do you want to play a game?, tug tug.

You think the questions will never end. You hope they do, despite being told to enjoy every single moment of mommy-hood. But exhaustion often wins out and all you want to do is sit down and maybe close your eyes for five minutes.

Flash ahead to the school-age years.

Can I sign up for soccer?

Can you take me to the store to get poster board for school?

Can Todd come over to play video games?

Can I spend the night at Heather’s house?

Middle-school and high school comes along.

Can I have the car keys?

Can I go to the dance?

Can I go to camp this summer?

Will you drop me and Avery off at the mall?

The questions continue but morph right along with your kids as they transition into going out into the world.

But just when I thought I was losing them both forever…that my job is to one hundred percent let them go and cross my fingers that they come back around again, more questions come…

Do you want to do something together?

Do you want to go to the park with me?

Do you want to play a game?

Do you want to watch a movie?

(Sound familiar?) All of these from my teenage kids to me within the past couple weeks. I tell you this not to frighten you that the persisting queries will never end but to encourage you that the persisting queries will never end. Our kids will always need us. Our kids will always want us. Even if they act like they don’t.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Elisabeth is mom to Sara (15) and Jack (13). She loves spending time with her kids, her friends, reading and writing. She is the author of At the Corner of Broken & Love: Where God Meets Us in the Everyday (Westbow), One Girl, Third World: One Woman’s Journey into Social Justice (Kindle, Amazon), He Is Just That Into You: Stories of a Faithful God who Pursues, Engages, and Has No Fear of Commitment (WinePress), In Search of Calm: Renewal for a Mother’s Heart (Xulon), and Calm in My Chaos: Encouragement for a Mom’s Weary Soul (Kregel). All these books can be purchased on Amazon.com in paperback or Kindle. Visit her website at www.elisabethcorcoran.com and her blog at http://elisabethcorcoran.blogspot.com/. You can follow her on Twitter at ekcorcoran or friend her on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/people/Elisabeth-Klein-Corcoran/1301703500. Watch Elisabeth and her friends spread hope through Africa with Samaritan’s Purse at http://www.vimeo.com/7919582. Elisabeth is a proud Member of Redbud Writer’s Guild (www.redbudwritersguild.com).

My children have had to grow up before they were supposed to grow up.  They know more about family dynamics, dysfunction, boundaries, conflict resolution, divorce, living between two homes, codependency and more than most people learn their entire lives.

Our current lesson: how to love and respect someone you don’t trust.  Talk about a sticky wicket.  I barely even know how to do this and I’m 41.  I’m only able to teach them any of this because God is totally working in me on this subject.  I’m calling it being generous with my enemies and it’s one of the most difficult lessons he’s ever tried to walk me through.  (I kinda wish he’d pick something else.)

So I’m starting with the basics.  First of all, our words.  It’s one thing to think something unkind (and we need to work on our thoughts too, for sure) but it’s another thing to say something unkind.  I’m trying to impress upon them the importance of seeing things from the other person’s perspective.  Sometimes the other person is hurting, or angry, or scared, or unhealthy.  Sometimes they may hurt you, but they might not even know that they are.  So we have to filter our words through that lens.  Disrespect is never okay, no matter the situation, I’m telling them.

Secondly, our actions.  There might be something we don’t want to do, but the person we’re upset with wants us to, so as long as it’s within our realm to do it and it won’t hurt us, we do it (especially if it’s an authority figure).  Or, one step farther, we might be feeling nudged to do something kind for that person, something that we have no obligation to do.  I’ve noticed that each time I reach out with a high road type of kindness, it gets easier the next time.

And thirdly, our prayers.  I have a feeling my kids aren’t quite there yet with this one, but I can tell that I cannot help but find my heart softening when I pray for someone who either has or is hurting me.  Compassion grows in these places.

I believe that God wants my heart to stretch in this area not for the sake of the other person, though it would be wonderful if it had some kind of positive effect, but for my own sake.  My heart needs to learn how to do this.  And as I do this, I am seeing in new ways the way grace came after me, the way God chased me down when I was hurting him.  We show love because he first loved us.  And we need to show our kids how to do this too.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:  Elisabeth is mom to Sara (15) and Jack (13).  She loves spending time with her kids, her friends, reading and writing.  She is the author of At the Corner of Broken & Love: Where God Meets Us in the Everyday (Westbow),  One Girl, Third World: One Woman’s Journey into Social Justice(Kindle, Amazon), He Is Just That Into You: Stories of a Faithful God who Pursues, Engages, and Has No Fear of Commitment (WinePress), In Search of Calm: Renewal for a Mother’s Heart (Xulon), and Calm in My Chaos: Encouragement for a Mom’s Weary Soul (Kregel).  All these books can be purchased on Amazon.com in paperback or Kindle. Visit her website at www.elisabethcorcoran.com and her blog at http://elisabethcorcoran.blogspot.com/. You can follow her on Twitter at ekcorcoran or friend her on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/people/Elisabeth-Klein-Corcoran/1301703500. Watch Elisabeth and her friends spread hope through Africa with Samaritan’s Purse at http://www.vimeo.com/7919582. Elisabeth is a proud Member of Redbud Writer’s Guild (www.redbudwritersguild.com).

©Elisabeth K. Corcoran, 2012

My daughter, who I’ve been writing about in this column for over ten years now, just got her drivers’ permit.  I took her to the DMV yesterday and watched her take her written test.  We high-fived and jumped up and down when she passed.  And then we went driving around a parking lot.  My baby is not a baby anymore.

My son, who I’ve also been writing about for over ten years, just got mad at me for the first time for walking into his basketball practice to pick him up.  Apparently that embarrassed him.  Apparently I should’ve waited in the car even though practice had gone fifteen minutes over.  My baby is not my baby anymore.
(In case you’re wondering if time flies…yes, it does.)

So I’m now working on letting go, something I have no desire to do whatsoever.

What I want is for my kids to stop growing up.  What I want is for everything to stay the same, for just a little while please.  What I want is for neither of my kids to know how to drive, for both of my kids to light up when they see me.

Because here’s the thing.  I remember growing up and moving out.  I remember saying goodbye to my mom when I went off to college and how she clung to me a little longer than I clung to her.  I know the feeling of no longer feeling, at the ripe old age of 19, that I needed her as a mother figure anymore.  That I was all set, good to go.

And I am so not ready for my children to feel that way about me.  I know it’s inevitable.  I know it’s natural.  But I don’t want it.

But even though I don’t want it, and even though I may fight it emotionally and deep down and with my friends, I will walk through intentional acts of letting go with my kids.  I will take my daughter driving, a lot.  I will smile when she slams on the brake and I will ask if she wants to around the parking lot one more time.  I will not walk up to my son when he’s with his friends.  I will smile from across the room,  but stop yelling “go, baby!” when he gets the ball during one of his games.

In other words, I will start stepping back.  I will start handing them the keys in all areas of life.  It will kill me, but I will do it.  Because that’s what mothers do.

© Elisabeth K. Corcoran, 2012

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:  Elisabeth is mom to Sara (15) and Jack (13).  She loves spending time with her kids, her friends, reading and writing.  She is the author of At the Corner of Broken & Love: Where God Meets Us in the Everyday (Westbow),  One Girl, Third World: One Woman’s Journey into Social Justice (Kindle, Amazon), He Is Just That Into You: Stories of a Faithful God who Pursues, Engages, and Has No Fear of Commitment (WinePress), In Search of Calm: Renewal for a Mother’s Heart (Xulon), and Calm in My Chaos: Encouragement for a Mom’s Weary Soul (Kregel).  All these books can be purchased on Amazon.com in paperback or Kindle.

Visit her website at www.elisabethcorcoran.com and her blog at http://elisabethcorcoran.blogspot.com/. You can follow her on Twitter at ekcorcoran or friend her on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/people/Elisabeth-Klein-Corcoran/1301703500. Watch Elisabeth and her friends spread hope through Africa with Samaritan’s Purse at http://www.vimeo.com/7919582. Elisabeth is a proud Member of Redbud Writer’s Guild (www.redbudwritersguild.com).

I love January 1.  I like to pretend that it really is a new day, different and set apart from the rest.  That I truly can walk into a new year with a sense of anticipation, and a relief that the past is fully behind me, in deeper, purer ways.

I love packing things away.  Throwing things out.  Shutting doors.  Moving on.

I love clean slates.  Square one.  All things new.  Beginnings.  Fresh starts.

God does too, it seems.  He says in Zechariah 10:6, “I know their pain and will make them good as new.” They’ll get a fresh start, as if nothing had ever happened. And why? Because I am their very own God, I’ll do what needs to be done for them.

As you head into this coming year, do you feel a need to start over, in any area of your life?

Then here’s where you start.  2 Samuel 22:21a says, “God made my life complete when I placed all the pieces before him.  When I cleaned up my act, he gave me a fresh start.”   So it begins with an honest assessment of your heart and life, confessing where you’ve found yourself off-track (to God and to another person if possible) and then determining changes, no matter how small, that need to be put into place.  Accompany this inside look with a simple prayer.  “Bring us back to you, God – we’re ready to come back.  Give us a fresh start.” (Lamentations 5:1)

Remember that it will come to us only one way.  I Corinthians 1:26 says that “everything we have – right thinking and right living, a clean slate and a fresh start – comes from God by way of Jesus Christ.”  Jesus is our new beginning, each and every time, no matter the circumstance or depth of pain.

And through this process, hold onto this promise from 2 Samuel 22:21b, “I feel put back together.  God rewrote the text of my life when I opened the book of my heart to his eyes.”  When you come before God  – as a woman, wife, mother, friend, daughter, employee, child of his – and you bring him your truest self in all its complexities and missteps and heartache, he will gently restore you.  It will not be overnight.  It will not always be painless.  But if a fresh start is what you’re after, he is the only path to move forward.

Happy New Year and happy new beginning.

© Elisabeth K. Corcoran, 2012

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:  Elisabeth is the author of At the Corner of Broken & Love: Where God Meets Us in the Everyday (Westbow),  One Girl, Third World: One Woman’s Journey into Social Justice (Kindle, Amazon), He Is Just That Into You: Stories of a Faithful God who Pursues, Engages, and Has No Fear of Commitment (WinePress), In Search of Calm: Renewal for a Mother’s Heart (Xulon), and Calm in My Chaos: Encouragement for a Mom’s Weary Soul (Kregel).  All these books can be purchased on Amazon.com in paperback or Kindle. Visit her website at www.elisabethcorcoran.com and her blog. You can follow her on Twitter at ekcorcoran or friend her on Facebook. Watch Elisabeth and her friends spread hope through Africa with Samaritan’s Purse. Elisabeth is a proud member of Redbud Writer’s Guild.

Advent. I love this word even though I was not raised in a tradition that observes it. A simple glance at the dictionary shows me why it resonates with me.

n. a coming into place, view, or being; arrival

A coming into. We head into the holiday season and into the month of December bringing with us a list of expectations and to-do’s as long as our arms. We want the best holiday ever. We want to create sweet memories. We want our family to feel loved. We want lingering time around the tree with hot chocolate in our hands and contented smiles on our faces.

But if only we could remember, even before we rush into the season, that it is about a coming into, an arrival.

It’s most certainly the arrival of our Savior, but even before that, it is the preparation of our hearts as we come into his view, as we come into being, deep in our souls, at a place that is ready and willing to look and find and experience this Christ.

Yes, he came as a baby. We celebrate his birth. But he didn’t come to stay as one. He arrived with purpose for you and for me. He came into our view, anointed by the LORD, so that he could share good words with those who were poor in spirit. He came to bind those of us up who are carrying broken hearts with us into this season. He came to tell us that we who feel imprisoned can actually be set free. He came to cover us with comfort if we are in a mourning season. He came to share his beauty with us, to replace our despair with his joy.

Jesus does not come on Christmas morning simply to stay in the manger and to smile angelically over our present-opening. He arrives each holy season to heal you. To set you free. To bring you deep joy.

Are you coming into? Are you ready? Will you be prepared when he comes into view and finally arrives?

© Elisabeth K. Corcoran, 2011

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:  NEW RELEASE — At the Corner of Broken & Love: Where God Meets Us in the Everyday (Westbow, available on Amazon).

Elisabeth is the author of One Girl, Third World: One Woman’s Journey into Social Justice (Kindle, Amazon), He Is Just That Into You: Stories of a Faithful God who Pursues, Engages, and Has No Fear of Commitment (WinePress), In Search of Calm: Renewal for a Mother’s Heart (Xulon), and Calm in My Chaos: Encouragement for a Mom’s Weary Soul (Kregel).  All these books can be purchased on Amazon.com in paperback or Kindle. Check out her book trailer for He Is Just That Into You at http://www.vimeo.com/7093233. Visit her website at www.elisabethcorcoran.com and her blog at http://elisabethcorcoran.blogspot.com/. You can follow her on Twitter at ekcorcoran or friend her on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/people/Elisabeth-Klein-Corcoran/1301703500. Watch Elisabeth and her friends spread hope through Africa with Samaritan’s Purse at http://www.vimeo.com/7919582. Elisabeth is a proud Member of Redbud Writer’s Guild (www.redbudwritersguild.com).

It was hard on me as a kid when my parents got divorced.  It could be for this very reason that I’m so…ummm…mad at myself, maybe…so concerned about my own kids during this time.

One of my children has had a more obvious difficult time lately.  Grades, school, youth group, attitude, etc.  I think I’ve handled it all pretty well considering, with firmness and consequences and not backing down.  But trust me when I say, I wanted to just let said child practically do whatever s/he wanted so as to assuage my humungous mommy guilt.  But I didn’t, and for today, we’re on some solid ground and I’m grateful.

Then there’s my other child.  If you were to ask my other child what’s going on in his/her life, s/he would say, “Not much.”  There is not one outward sign of emotional turmoil.  Grades are steady.  Homework and chores are getting done.  Friendships are flourishing.  Life is good.

This, of course, scares the living daylights out of me.  Apparently, give me an outward rebellious child any day.  It’s the quiet ones that freak me out.  Because I just know that there has got to be something lurking.  There is no way any child could get through what we’ve been going through and not be affected in some way, shape or form.  But this child of mine — skating on through.

I realize of course that I am overlaying my experiences onto this child and I’m assuming s/he is a mess deep down, or at the very least, is a ticking time bomb and I should just hold my breath until I start smelling pot or notice a skull and crossbones tattoo peaking out from a t-shirt collar.

But the advice I’ve been given is simply this, oblivion can be a gift.  And don’t borrow trouble.

Yes, it is affecting this child, no doubt about it.  But this child just might not be ready to process.  I need to be grateful that all is well in that little world and just enjoy it.  There will probably be a time in the next few years when it will come to the surface, and we’ll just deal with it then.  But for now, I’m going to leave well enough alone.  I’m going to laugh with my kids.  I’m going to let them do their homework or not do their homework (they earn their own grades…I’ve already been through school).  I’m going to spend time with them.  I’m going to listen to them if and when they actually want to open up.  I’m going to tell them I’m here no matter what they do, no matter what they say, no matter what they feel.

Basically, I’m going to love them.  Right now.  And I’m going to let tomorrow take care of itself.

©Elisabeth K. Corcoran, 2011

Kevin Leman in Have a New Teenager by Friday – not that I need a new teenager by Friday or anything…totally reading this for entertainment purposes only – talks about three kinds of parenting styles.  I’m paraphrasing here, but there’s the ‘whatever you want, baby’ kind of parent; the ‘it’s my way or the highway’ kind of parent; and then there’s the parent who strikes the balance, acknowledging that every person in the family is equal but has different roles.

I have to admit that I’ve leaned a tad more towards being the kind of mom who could be manipulated, whose heart strings could be tugged just so and then I’d give in to whatever the request of the moment was.

But I’ve noticed something shift in me this month.  I’ve had crisis upon crisis befall my little life and I have not had the emotional energy that I typically would’ve had to parent.  The interesting thing, though, is that I noticed that I didn’t fall further into my default mode but instead realized that if I weren’t careful, I could lose the war with my kids.

So I ironically became firmer – in my resolve, in my no’s, in my choosing not to engage in round-and-round arguments that go nowhere.  My no’s remained no’s these past few weeks.  My ‘that’s your decision, but then you will deal with the consequences’ came quicker and more calmly from my lips.

I haven’t picked a child up from school who has called twice, not really needing to be picked up.  I walked into school, in my pajamas, to get the dean to escort a child into school who was refusing to go.  I didn’t write a speech for a child who decided it didn’t need to be done, and when the speech teacher emailed saying this student would be getting a zero out of two hundred points, I replied simply, “I support whatever you need to do.”  I didn’t hand over another five bucks for a hot lunch when a child said the lunch that was already packed had been in the refrigerator too long (it wasn’t) and therefore was inedible (it wasn’t).

I’ve berated myself for years for being a pushover.  But as it turns out, when the rubber meets the road, I can go toe to toe with any child of mine, remembering that, oh yeah, I am the mom.

And ladies, so are you.

©Elisabeth K. Corcoran, 2011

There’s something about school starting – even if you don’t have kids in school yet – that feels like a built-in fresh start.  So this month’s column is going to be about you and small ways you can take your spiritual walk to a new level.

Admittedly, some of these ideas are going to be totally basic, but some might be brand new ideas to you.  So, just take what feels right to you and walk away from the rest, with no guilt at all.

Buy a Bible. I highly recommend the New International Version for easy reading and understanding.

Read your Bible. A great way to dig in is to read a Psalm or Proverb each day, along with several verses of one of the gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke or John).

Get yourself a journal. Even if you’re not a huge fan of writing, keeping a journal can help to keep your mind focused and sane in the middle of the toddler years.  Write anything you want in there…cute things your kids say, prayer requests and answers, Scripture verses that mean a lot to you, anything.

Plan. Pick a time and place to spend with God.  I don’t want you to be rigid but if you don’t have some kind of plan, you’ll more than likely never get around to it.  Ideas for the tired mommy: get up ten minutes before anyone else in your family does, get in the carpool line a few minutes early, ask your husband to watch the kids right after dinner so you can sneak off, even ask a friend to trade babysitting for an extended time of solitude with God.  Do what you have to do.

Companions..Get yourself in a small group or ask a friend, and start studying the Bible together, encouraging each other to let it change you.

Church. If you’re not already going to a church that you and your family love and are involved in, now is the perfect time.

For those of you who feel like I’ve just added a huge burden on your shoulders and another six things to your never-ending to-do list, listen to these sweet words from Scripture:

Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, and come with me; show me your face, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely.

God isn’t waiting for you so he can shame you for not coming to him more often…he just wants to shower you with his love and compassion because he loves the sound of our voice and the sight of our face.  How amazing is that?

And for those of you might be thinking, I do all that and still it feels flat!, let me encourage you as well.  Isaiah says:

“Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; You are mine.  You are precious and honored in my sight, and I love you.”

God wants to redeem you and your life, every part of it, and he is calling you by name because he literally knows your name.  He knows you.  He wants you to know him and to experience his great love for you.

Take time this fall to go deeper with the God who created you.  Let him lead you, guide you, and fill you with his love.

© Elisabeth K. Corcoran, 2011

About the Author:
Elisabeth Corcoran is the author of “He Is Just That Into You: Stories of a Faithful God who Pursues, Engages, and Has No Fear of Commitment” (WinePress) and more. Her books can be purchased on Amazon or through her website. Check out her book trailer for “He Is Just That Into You.”  You can follow her on Twitter at ekcorcoran or friend her on Facebook.

As my kids get older, I struggle sometimes to still see them as children.  My daughter is my height, she’s wicked funny, and I think I forget sometimes that she’s not my friend.  Don’t get me wrong…she is.  But she’s my daughter first.  He’s my son first.  They are friends second.  They will be more my friend as time goes by, but now, they are more my children.  And I have to protect them.  Sometimes from me.

There is a lot going on in the dissolution of my marriage and there is so much fodder for he said/she said comments.  And I must admit, it’s killing me sometimes.  A huge part of me wants to tell them all that’s going on behind the scenes, but I just can’t.

In fact, Sara has even asked me if I want or need to confide in her from time to time, or one of them will look at me and say, “You look like you could use a hug…” and I wonder if I’m training them to worry about me, to take care of me, instead of vice versa.

One particularly rough evening, I had just been slammed by what seemed like ten things at once, and I was bursting to vent.  I went into Sara’s room and sat on the floor.  She asked what was wrong and I said, “I think we need a code word for when I’m really upset about something but I can’t tell you any details.”  “Okay,” she said, “what do you want the word to be?”  Without thinking (obviously), I yelled, “PENGUIN!”  Sara just looked at me and then laughed and then, in typical teenager mode, asked me if I’d leave because she had some stuff to do.

I have answered “penguins” to more “how are you’s?” in the past few weeks than I care to admit.  In fact, one time, I even answered something like, “Huge, robot-like penguins all over the place.”  Again, she smiled.

I think it’s safe to say that I don’t have this concept down pat yet, especially because there’s a fine line between keeping my kids in the loop and saying something inappropriate.  But I’m working on it.

And so I share this with you too, no matter your circumstances.  We need to shield our kids for as long as we can…life and our culture and their friends and TV and who-knows-what will try to grow them up before they need to be grown up…let’s make sure we’re not adding to their burdens.

Go to Jesus, go to a trusted friend, but be careful how much you share with your kids.  And, for heaven’s sake, keep your penguins to yourself.

Ó Elisabeth K. Corcoran, 2011

About the Author:
Elisabeth Corcoran is the author of “He Is Just That Into You: Stories of a Faithful God who Pursues, Engages, and Has No Fear of Commitment” (WinePress) and more. Her books can be purchased on Amazon or through her website. Check out her book trailer for “He Is Just That Into You.”  You can follow her on Twitter at ekcorcoran or friend her on Facebook.

“Children are resilient.”  I have heard this a thousand times.  I have said this a thousand times.  I no longer buy it.

My parents divorced when I was young and I was told from early on that I was “mature for my age”.  I look back and can see that was not the case.  I may have learned to stuff my feelings.  I may have learned how to interact with adults more easily than kids because I was around more adults than kids.  I may have not acted out in rebellious ways as a teenager.  But my parents’ divorce, when I was about three, shaped me.

I believe that “children are resilient” is said by people who don’t want to sit with the reality that their actions affect the children in their lives.

So, here’s what I can say and believe…“children are covered over.”

After a hard fought battle to save my marriage and keep it from drowning after over seventeen difficult years, I have been released by my church leadership to legally separate from my husband.  This has been a slow process, a carefully thought through and prayed over decision.  And it’s changing my life.

But I’d be fooling myself – and frankly trying to placate myself – if I actually believed that my children will just roll with it…that they’ll just automatically be fine.

They won’t automatically be fine.  This is altering the entire foundation of my 14-&-1/2-year old daughter and my 13-year-old son.  This will shape them for the rest of their lives.  And with great trepidation and humility, I take full responsibility for this.

But here’s what I’m coming to fully believe.  God knew this was going to happen and he’s prepared me and my children for it.  This is not God’s plan b for my life or for my children’s lives.  They are not doomed to limp through the rest of their lives emotionally and relationally deficient.  They are not destined for bad marriages.  This struggle can be used for good in their lives, if they’ll let it.  God has been taking care of them; God is taking care of them; and God will take care of them.

Genesis 50:21 “Easy now, you have nothing to fear; I’ll take care of you and your children.”

He reassured them, speaking with them tenderly.

Easy now…I have nothing to fear.  Easy now…no matter what is going on in your family…seriously, no matter what…you have nothing to fear.  God is for you.  God is for your children.  God will hold you all.

© Elisabeth K. Corcoran, 2011

Elisabeth Corcoran is the author of “He Is Just That Into You: Stories of a Faithful God who Pursues, Engages, and Has No Fear of Commitment” (WinePress) and more. Her books can be purchased on Amazon or through her website. Check out her book trailer for “He Is Just That Into You.”  You can follow her on Twitter at ekcorcoran or friend her on Facebook.

My daughter came home with her freshman course schedule this week.  I almost fainted.  I am in complete and utter denial that Sara is going into high school.  My son likes to point out that she’ll be able to get her driver’s permit this year. He does that to watch me either tear up or freak out, depending on my mood.

I do not have young children anymore.  And there are days when I barely even remember what having young children feels like.

So I’ve got one concept for you today.  Cherish.  Soak in.  Remember.  Be intentional. And I say all these things knowing that I’m sure someone said them to me.  Knowing that I didn’t always succeed in doing them.  But my hope is that you listen more carefully than I did.

It is more than a cliché that time flies.  I remember enough about the little kid years to remember that I sometimes thought the day I was in would never end.  And now I look back and realize that there are hundreds of days and thousands of moments that I can’t even recall, because they all went so fast.

What I would give for one day – in the middle of my life right now – of going back in time and reliving a typical stay-at-home mommy day with my toddlers.  Just one day.

And this is maybe what I would do differently if I could, maybe what I would tell my younger, more tired self…

Your children are absolute gifts.  Your children adore you.  Your children are watching you.  Your children are more important than laundry, than vacuuming, than time on the computer.  Your children need you to love them well, need you to mean what you say and say what you mean.  Your children need you to love Jesus with all your heart.  It’s okay to sit on the couch with them and cuddle for five more minutes…in just a few years, they may not want to do this. In just a few more years, everything will feel different.  Just sit.  Just watch.  Just listen.  Just take it all in.

And I’m saying this to myself today as I look down the road and realize that in just a few more years, my kids will be gone, on their own.  I still need to just sit, just watch, just listen, just take it all in.

Pray for eyes to see your children the way God does, and then…enjoy them.

© Elisabeth K. Corcoran, 2011

Elisabeth Corcoran is the author of He Is Just That Into You: Stories of a Faithful God who Pursues, Engages, and Has No Fear of Commitment (WinePress), In Search of Calm: Renewal for a Mother’s Heart (Xulon), and Calm in My Chaos: Encouragement for a Mom’s Weary Soul (Kregel). All these books can be purchased on Amazon.com in paperback or Kindle. Her newest book, One Girl, Third World: One Woman’s Journey into Social Justice, is available on Kindle only at Amazon.com. Visit her website at www.elisabethcorcoran.com and her blog. You can follow her on Twitter @ekcorcoran or friend her on Facebook .

Mothers do not come in one shape or one size.  There’s my mother by birth, who loves me like no one else ever has or ever will, and I am so grateful for her.  I think that she thinks I walk on water, and who doesn’t need at least one person to believe in you like that?  I have a stepmother, who has been a friend to me since I was ten or eleven years old and who has taught me so much.  I have an aunt who filled in the gaps when my Dad moved out of state when I was a little girl, who shared her faith with me along the way and is one of my dearest friends to this day.  I have a mother-in-law who has loved my kids so very well since the day they were born.  And I have a mentor who calls me her birdie and pours into me as if I’m one of her own daughters.

And I know plenty of women who are mothers beyond their own biological children.  I have a friend who has adopted a little girl from Ethiopia and one from Burkina Faso.  I have another friend waiting to go get her Ugandan babies.  And another one who is in the process of waiting for her first child, a little boy from South Korea.  And then there is the friend involved in a fostering program, who has an adorable little man living under her roof, who may end up staying for good.

And the single mothers that I know, either by choice or by circumstance, who are the mother and the father, who are the good cop and the bad cop, who handle every decision on their own and celebrate every joy solo as well.

Your children might not be old enough yet – or outwardly-focused enough yet – to rise up and call you blessed as Proverbs 31 promises, so allow me.

Bravo to you.  It’s an amazing privilege to take on the role of molding another life, guiding and praying, protecting and shaping.  You lay your life down.  You go to bed spent and wake up still tired some days.  You pray when you don’t know what else to do; you pray because you know it’s the most important thing you can do.  Your children are watching you and you are doing more right than you give yourself credit for.

Keep doing what you’re doing.  I know the benefits can be slim some days but you are doing eternal work.  Your children are blessed to be growing up in the care of a woman who loves God, so focus on him and let him fill you up.  Hang on to Jesus, dear one.  And from the bottom of my heart, thank you for mothering well.

Elisabeth Corcoran is the author of “He Is Just That Into You: Stories of a Faithful God who Pursues, Engages, and Has No Fear of Commitment” (WinePress) and more. Her books can be purchased on Amazon or through her website. Check out her book trailer for “He Is Just That Into You.”  You can follow her on Twitter at ekcorcoran or friend her on Facebook.

I’m sure that everyone has heard the African proverb by now that “it takes a village to raise a child.” I am finding this to be true in new ways lately. I am grateful that I am surrounded by people who love me and who love my children and I am currently tapping into that extra love to help my kids through our difficult season.

I used to be the kind of mom that felt threatened when others offered help or advice as if I weren’t a good enough mother in my own right. But now, I look around my life and see my vulnerable areas, and I can sense the gaps where I’m not able to fill in what they both need. So, now instead of recoiling or getting defensive, I not only embrace offers of help, I’m out there asking for it. I have a girlfriend who offered to pick up my fourteen-year-old daughter, Sara, every Sunday and bring her to her new small group Bible study, as the group landed at a really odd time for my schedule. And when they’re in the car together, they talk. And this girlfriend of mine asks really good questions of my daughter and Sara said to me after just the first car ride, ”I feel so comfortable with Aunt Sheli. I’m so glad she’s taking me to the group.”

I have a mentor who has walked me through a hugely challenging relationship issue for the past three years, and she is about to start a book study with Sara as well. I cannot tell you how much good this does my heart. This mentor calls me one of her birdies and said that Sara is her grand-birdie. Love it.

Jack has joined a small group Bible study at his school that meets at – ugh - 6:45am every Wednesday. It is led by a junior and freshman in high school who wanted to pour into seventh grade boys. That early time is a killer but the moment Jack said he was interested, it didn’t even cross my mind to say no because of the time. In fact, each Wednesday, he wakes up and says, ”Yes! Doughnuts and ping pong! Oh, yeah, and God.” (I’ll take what I can get.) I’m also trying to get Jack connected with our pastor, his youth pastor and our sports ministry guy, just to get him exposed to as many men who can show him how to live his life hard after Jesus.

I’m so very aware I cannot raise my sweet children without a village. I am so aware that I’m incapable in my own strength. And I’m humble enough to know that I just might be a big part of any emotional thing they’re struggling with right now, which means they just might need someone other than me to unload on, about me.

If you find yourself attempting to mother in the day to day totally solo, your strength may wear thin quickly. God placed within us a desire for community. God wants for us to walk alongside each other. Don’t try to undertake your largest and most important role in isolation. Begin by telling God the areas that you feel you are losing the battle in the most; let Him fill you and bring you strength. Then, if you’re married, ask your husband for extra help. Be vulnerable enough to call on a girlfriend to swap babysitting for a few hours, or ask an older woman if she might be able to spend some time with you to share what she learned about mothering. Create your own village, for your sake and for the sake of your children. You don’t have to walk alone.

© Elisabeth K. Corcoran, 2011

Elisabeth is the author of “He Is Just That Into You: Stories of a Faithful God who Pursues, Engages, and Has No Fear of Commitment” (WinePress), “In Search of Calm: Renewal for a Mother’s Heart (Xulon), and Calm in My Chaos:  Encouragement for a Mom’s Weary Soul” (Kregel). All of her books can be purchased on Amazon or through her website. Check out her book trailer for “He Is Just That Into You.”  Visit her blog. You can follow her on Twitter at ekcorcoran or friend her on Facebook. Watch Elisabeth and her friends spread hope through Africa with Samaritan’s Purse at http://www.vimeo.com/7919582.

My family is going through a difficult time right now. Well, better put, I’ve made some choices that are affecting my children. They seem to be weathering things okay but they also could be little codependents just putting on an act so I don’t feel guilty. Only time will tell.

But one thing I’m trying to get through my thick head is that I, as Mom, apparently set the emotional tenor of my home, as do you, sweet fellow mothers. “If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy” rings truer than any of us mamas want to admit. I don’t want to believe that my mood affects anyone but me, but it completely does, especially my kids.

If I drag myself around in a funk each and every day (not saying that I am, but if I hypothetically were to.), my kids are going to pay for it. Not only will they suffer from a weary mom who doesn’t want to do stuff, but the fun factor goes down drastically, my irritability goes through the roof, and they may have the propensity to take on some of my dreary characteristics.

Now, I’m not saying simply to sweep everything under the rug and suck it up if in fact you are going through a hard stretch of life, or even if you’re having one of those days. But I am saying, please don’t let it take over your life (this last sentence was me speaking straight to myself). And I am saying, do some things to take charge of your emotional health.

Here are just a few tips:

1. Seek counseling. There’s no shame in getting a third party involved to help you process through your situation.
2. Spend time with your friends. Time with my girls is a highlight for me in this dark season.
3. Eat a little better, move a little more, sleep a little longer. In other words, take better care of yourself physically.
4. Plan something fun to do with your kids.
5. Plan something fun to do alone.

But my number one tip is this.spend time with Jesus. Only He knows all the details. Only He will never leave you. Only He can heal your soul. Only He will love you no matter what crisis, sin or failure sweeps into your life. Only Jesus.

Through all of this, I have been praying at night with my kids that God will pour out his healing, strength and joy over our home and into our family. My kids know that we’re going through a hard time – and they’re of the age that it’s appropriate for them to know that – so it’s of utter importance to me that they see that I am in fact hurting but that I’m doing everything I can to get my healing and comfort from God.

I heard someone say recently that our parents just wanted to give us a better life than they had and we just want to give our children a better life than we had. I’m not sure I agree. There is almost nothing I can do to shield my children from future pain because life is filled with pain. So because of that, the best thing I can do for them is model how to walk
through the fire.and that’s holding on to the hand of the One who will walk me, and them, through anything.

–
© Elisabeth K. Corcoran, 2011
Elisabeth is the author of He Is Just That Into You: Stories of a Faithful God who Pursues, Engages, and Has No Fear of Commitment (WinePress), In Search of Calm: Renewal for a Mother’s Heart (Xulon), and Calm in My Chaos:  Encouragement for a Mom’s Weary Soul (Kregel). All of her books can be purchased on Amazon or through her website at www.elisabethcorcoran.com.  Check out her book trailer for He Is Just That Into You at  http://www.vimeo.com/7093233. Visit her blog at http://elisabethcorcoran.blogspot.com/. You can follow her on Twitter at ekcorcoran or friend her on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/people/Elisabeth-Klein-Corcoran/1301703500. Watch Elisabeth and her friends spread hope through Africa with Samaritan’s Purse at http://www.vimeo.com/7919582.

Another year has gone by. Another year is starting. Our children are another year older. (As are we, but we won’t gothere today.)

There’s something about January that always makes me want to wipe the slate clean. I want to clean out my closets – physically, emotionally, relationally and spiritually. I want to take stock. I want to see what’s accumulated – what I want to get rid of and never have to deal with again, and what I want to remember and reminisce about and be grateful for.

Here are some thoughts on how you can do just that in each area of your life.

Physically:

1. Think about what you eat and don’t eat on a daily basis, then decide now to make one small change this month.
2. Think about what kinds of exercise you currently get and what you really enjoy doing.
3. Think about how you can incorporate more enjoyable exercise into your life.
4. Go through your clothing and donate all you no longer wear.
5. With your kids, go through their toys and donate all they no longer use.

Emotionally:

1. Ask yourself the following questions in a journal:
2. What was the biggest contributor to your personal growth?
3. What was the biggest blunder you committed?
4. What caused your greatest sadness?
5. What was your greatest joy?
6. How do you feel you handled and expressed your emotions this year? Any changes you need to make?

Relationally:

1. Ask yourself the following questions in a journal:
2. Who were the most stimulating people in your life (and why)?
3. What were your most significant family moments?
4. What one intentional act can you do to specifically build into each member of your family this year?
5. Who brings joy to you life when you are with them? Plan to spend more time with them.
6. Who depletes you when you are with them? Can you spend a bit less time with them this year?
7. Is there someone who needs more of you in their lives? Find ways to give of yourself.

Spiritually:

1. Ask yourself the following questions in a journal:
2. What was your most meaningful spiritual experience?
3. What ways do you best experience the presence of God? Make sure you’re making space in your life for those activities.
4. How can you incorporate more gratitude, worship, time in God’s word and conversational prayer into your daily life?

My hope is not that you feel overwhelmed by this list, but that God will guide you to a handful of questions that will stir your heart wherever you are at this season in your life, so that He can draw you closer to Him.

Happy 2011, ladies. May God fill your heart, mind and home with His peace this year.

© Elisabeth K. Corcoran, 2011
Elisabeth is the author of He Is Just That Into You: Stories of a Faithful God who Pursues, Engages, and Has No Fear of Commitment (WinePress), In Search of Calm: Renewal for a Mother’s Heart (Xulon), and Calm in My Chaos: Encouragement for a Mom’s Weary Soul (Kregel). All of her books can be purchased on Amazon or through her website at www.elisabethcorcoran.com.

Moments for Mom
Elizabeth K. Corcoran,
Author of He Is Just That Into You

For various reasons, my holiday season is going to look nothing like my past several holiday seasons.  I’m going through a personal crisis, one side of the family is dealing with the death of a loved one this year, and the other side of the family is navigating some central relationships that are struggling.  Add to that, I’m not even hosting Christmas (long, long story) this year, a decision made about five minutes after last year’s Christmas party.  So this December looks different, and already feels different.

I could’ve taken two possible approaches.  There was the woe-is-me/bah-humbug approach, where I would decide to not put up Christmas decorations and curl up in a ball until sometime in mid-January.  And then there was the let’s-look-at-this-as-an-opportunity approach, where this season unfolds like a blank slate and I could dig in and re-evaluate what really means something to me and what can fall away without being missed.

So a few days ago, my kids and I sat down.  We wrote out everything we do from Thanksgiving through Christmas every year, and then we wrote down what was going to make this year different – what events and traditions we knew just weren’t going to take place.  It was sobering, I have to say.  The three main events that we participate in, that have been years-long traditions, aren’t happening, and it is sad, and some grieving needs to take place.

But we talked through those lists and we shared what we love to do each year.  We love doing some kind of service together, so we decided on that.  And the kids wanted to make sure that they spent at least some time with their cousins over Christmas break, so I’m going to do whatever I can to make that happen.  And we all love the tradition of Christmas Eve at church and taking back roads home to look at Christmas lights, something we’ve been doing since they were little.  And we talked about if there were anything else new that they’d to add, and I committed to put up the tree even though a part of me wants to pretend it’s already February.

And you know what I realized?  I don’t have to fear or dread change.  I can choose to embrace the shaking up of traditions, especially if some of them weren’t all that meaningful in the first place.  And this can be a really special time where I let my kids speak into how we spend our time and share what’s really important to them.  I wouldn’t have had this conversation with Sara and Jack had all these changes not been taking place, but now I know what matters to them about the holidays.

So now, with fewer obligations, I can be more intentional about bringing peace into our home on cold, cold nights, and I can remind them without all the rushing around that Christmas isn’t really about running from one place to the next but about a God who loves us so much that He let His Son come down here to surprise us with his humanity and his God-ness and to bring not just peace on earth, but peace to each one of them, no matter what we’re going through right now.

And, can I remind you, that He offers that peace to you as well?  Just as He did with Mary who was taken aback by startling news…just as He did with Joseph who had totally different plans for his life…just as He did with the shepherds in the field who were met by an angel of the Lord.  It all matters to Him what you’re going through, but no matter what it is, Emmanuel – God with us – offers Himself to you as your peace.

© Elisabeth K. Corcoran, 2010

Elisabeth lives her with husband and children in Illinois.  She is the author of He Is Just That Into You: Stories of a Faithful God who Pursues, Engages, and Has No Fear of Commitment (WinePress), In Search of Calm: Renewal for a Mother’s Heart (Xulon), and Calm in My Chaos: Encouragement for a Mom’s Weary Soul (Kregel). All of her books can be purchased on Amazon or through her website at www.elisabethcorcoran.com.
Check out her book trailer for He Is Just That Into You at http://www.vimeo.com/7093233.

Visit her blog at http://elisabethcorcoran.blogspot.com/. You can follow her on Twitter at ekcorcoran or friend her on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/people/Elisabeth-Klein-Corcoran/1301703500. Watch Elisabeth and her friends spread hope through Africa with Samaritan’s Purse at http://www.vimeo.com/7919582.

Moments for Mom
Elisabeth K. Corcoran,
Author of He Is Just That Into You

I have green eyes.  My daughter has green eyes.  My husband has brown eyes.  My son has brown eyes.  I am sarcastic.  My daughter is sarcastic.  My husband likes computer games and sports.  My son likes computer games and sports.  I have an anger issue.  My son has an anger issue (though not as looming as mine, thankfully).

Some things, we’re thrilled to pass on to our kids, like the pearl ring my mom gave me for my sixteenth birthday, or my love of reading and writing.  Some things, like my height (or lack thereof actually) and my anger, I’d wish would skip a few generations or drop out of my gene pool entirely.  But they didn’t.

I’m realizing more and more these days, as my kids get older, that I can preach all I want, and I can memorize Scripture all I want, and make my kids listen to me recite said Scripture all I want – be it about transforming a negative character trait or even enhancing a positive one, like a love for social justice – but if I’m not walking it out in my real life in real ways that they can see, I might as well just shut up.

I cannot be surprised when I see my children argue and raise their voices…they’ve seen me do it.  I need to not only tell them to stop, and tell them why, and give them tools, but I need to work on controlling myself, as Proverbs 29:11 says a wise person knows how to do, and I need to beg the Holy Spirit to get to the root of things, dig it out and rid me of it permanently.

On the flipside, I am to celebrate and swell with pride when my kids do something of deep good because they’ve either seen me do something that matters or I’ve invited them into.  Like a couple weeks ago, Jack and I ran 5k together with the pledges going toward Blood:Water Mission.  He probably wouldn’t have run that on his own (okay, I know he wouldn’t have).  (And we raised about $250 for a really great organization.)  He did it because I said, let’s go do this thing.  He did it because I didn’t just talk about clean water but I wanted to do something about clean water.

Talking the talk is hugely important in parenting, but it is like loud clanging cymbals if it’s not backed up with walking the walk, in the big and little things.  On certain days, when I let this truth sink in, it can terrify me.  The task of parenting well is daunting.  But then I remember that I’m not alone in this journey.  That I’ve got a Heavenly Father who loves me and shows me how to love them.  And that I’ve got a Counselor and Friend who can whisper words of wisdom to my heart just when I need them the most.

It’s only through this Helper that I can talk and walk what truly matters to me and what I hope will be passed on to my children even more than my eye color or a pearl ring.  And you’re not alone as you pass your important things on to your children today.

Elisabeth K. Corcoran is the author of He Is Just That Into You: Stories of a Faithful God who Pursues, Engages, and Has No Fear of Commitment (WinePress), In Search of Calm: Renewal for a Mother’s Heart (Xulon), and Calm in My Chaos: Encouragement for a Mom’s Weary Soul (Kregel). All of her books can be purchased on Amazon or through her website at www.elisabethcorcoran.com. Check out her book trailer for He Is Just That Into You at http://www.vimeo.com/7093233. Visit her blog at http://elisabethcorcoran.blogspot.com/. You can follow her on Twitter at ekcorcoran or friend her on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/people/Elisabeth-Klein-Corcoran/1301703500. Watch Elisabeth and her friends spread hope through Africa with Samaritan’s Purse at http://www.vimeo.com/7919582.

A few things have converged in my 12-year-old son’s life over the past couple months.  Back in the spring, he and I began reading Take Your Best Shot by then-nine-year-old Austin Gutwein, the story of a boy who decided he didn’t want to wait until he was all grown up to do something big for God.  Then Jack decided he wanted to attend a Christian school and after a few months of praying and investigating, we moved forward with that decision.  In doing so, I found out that Jack would have assignments to complete before school started up again.  Yay – SUMMER homework!  But part of his homework was to read and report on a book called Just Like Jesus by Max Lucado and the Spirit used it to work on both of our hearts.  One reading in particular really got to Jack.  It was Mr. Lucado’s take on what the leper must’ve felt who was healed by Jesus.  Jack wrote in his notes that it reminded him of being at Feed My Starving Children earlier that day.

Jack had gone with some friends for a packing session earlier that day, where they packed meals for children in third-world countries.  While we were reading Just Like Jesus that night, he said, “Did you know that for only ten dollars, you could feed two children for a month?”  “I didn’t know that, bud…that’s amazing,” I said.

And then I could tell his mind was going.  We’d been kicking around the idea for months of ways he could use his love of basketball to raise money for Africa, like Austin Gutwein did, and those books and that day’s packing session all came together for him.

So I prayed with him before putting him to bed and asked Jesus that if He thought this were a good idea, that He would help us be creative and make it happen.  When I stopped praying, Jack said, “I think I know how we’re supposed to do this.”  I grabbed a notebook and took down his thoughts.  It was pretty sweet.  I pointed out that the Holy Spirit just told him what we should do.  I gave him a kiss and told him we’d work on it the next day.

He came and got me a few minutes later to show me something.  He pointed out what when the light hit the wall across from his bed, the shadows looked like letters.  He told me he was asking God to help him see what it said in case it were a message, and before he could tell me, I saw it, “B A L L.” “I think it says ‘B A L L’,” Jack said.  Now, it wasn’t like the handwriting on the wall with Daniel or anything, but it was clear enough that I teared up.  “Jesus must be trying to encourage you, hon,” I said.  “I’ve never had Him do that for me before,” Jack said with a smile.  “Jesus is cool that way, baby,” I said as I walked back out, with my own big smile.

Jack came back out a couple minutes later.  “I think it maybe also says ‘F A I L’,” he said, looking dejected.  “Jack, which word do you think Jesus would be saying to you right now — BALL or FAIL?”  “Ball,” he answered.  “Then we’re going with that,” I said reassuring him.

The lessons here are many and deep, but I’ll just point out a couple.  God can speak to us at any time and in any way.  Never discount what God wants to do through a child.  Always acknowledge a God-thing…I think He loves it when we give Him credit.  It’s never too early to foster in your child a love for others and a generosity that flows out of the love God has for them.  Encouraging our children’s very personal walk with God will build their faith and our own.  And for heaven’s sakes…when the writing on the wall is positive, assume it’s from Jesus.

By the way, my son went on to make 350 free throws in one hour (shooting 871 times), raising over $2200 and providing well over 11,000 meals to children in need.

—–

© Elisabeth K. Corcoran, 2010

Elisabeth is the author of He Is Just That Into You: Stories of a Faithful God who Pursues, Engages, and Has No Fear of Commitment (WinePress), In Search of Calm: Renewal for a Mother’s Heart (Xulon), and Calm in My Chaos: Encouragement for a Mom’s Weary Soul (Kregel). All of her books can be purchased on Amazon or through her website at www.elisabethcorcoran.com.

Check out her book trailer for He Is Just That Into You at http://www.vimeo.com/7093233.

Visit her blog at http://elisabethcorcoran.blogspot.com/.

You can follow her on Twitter at ekcorcoran or friend her on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/people/Elisabeth-Klein-Corcoran/1301703500.
Watch Elisabeth and her friends spread hope through Africa with Samaritan’s Purse at http://www.vimeo.com/7919582.

I tend to see the frustrating things in my kids…the things I think need changing…the things that I’m mad at myself for not being more consistent about.  One example is I’ve noticed that with summer comes a lot more together time for them, and so their bickering has upped itself quite a bit.  They have this thing where they insult each other, sometimes for real, sometimes tongue-in-cheek, and it drives me crazy.

So I’ve instituted that every time I hear them say something unkind, that person has to say something kind in its place.  It’s been working…sort of. Jack isn’t Sara’s biggest fan.  Asking him to compliment her is like asking him to wear a dress to basketball practice.  This was his highest form of flattery to date that he could muster up for his big sister, after he had just slammed her, let me point out: “Your glasses seem to fit well.”  It gets better.  Not only does he struggle with complimenting her, he can’t stand when she says something nice about or to him (kinda weird).  The other day she said his shirt looked good on him and he replied, “Now you have to say something mean to balance it out.”  Unbelievable.

But I digress ever so slightly.  My point being, I focus on the negatives.  But I was sharing a few stories about my kids with a new friend and she said, “How have you gotten your kids to turn out like that?”  The question surprised me.  I don’t think I have gotten them to turn out quite yet, for one thing.  But for another thing, I forget the good.  I don’t see it, I don’t acknowledge it.

So here goes.  Sara cleans her room – a deep, spring cleaning – once a week.  Sara has offered her cleaning services to her brother.  Sara loves serving on Sunday mornings with the little kids.  So does Jack.  In fact, they’ve both given up a week of their summer vacation to volunteer at our church’s kids’ day camp because they love kids so much.  Sara asked me if she could help me pick up sticks in the yard the next time I do it.

Now onto Jack.  He wants to go to a Christian school for several reasons but one of the main ones is, “They have a Bible class there!” he’ll say excitedly.  He makes a point of opening the door for Sara and me in public, and he’s begun opening both of our car doors as well.  They have not complained about one chore, come to think of it, in the past week.  They thank me when I get them McDonald’s…when I pull into the drive-thru, not even waiting for me to hand it to them.  They are hysterical, constantly giving me material for Twitter and Facebook, but now are catching onto me and yelling the disclaimer, “Do not tweet that!”  They miss me when I’m gone, even for a few hours.  They both initiate hugs and telling me they love me.

Okay, wow…I’m now overwhelmed.  I have amazing children.  I am so blessed.  And I would wager that if you did the little exercise that I just did, you’d feel the same way about yours too.

Copyright Elisabeth K. Corcoran, 2010
Elisabeth lives her with husband and children in Illinois.  She is the author of He Is Just That Into You: Stories of a Faithful God who Pursues, Engages, and Has No Fear of Commitment (WinePress), In Search of Calm: Renewal for a Mother’s Heart (Xulon), and Calm in My Chaos: Encouragement for a Mom’s Weary Soul (Kregel). All of her books can be purchased on Amazon or through her website at www.elisabethcorcoran.com.
Check out her book trailer for He Is Just That Into You at http://www.vimeo.com/7093233.

Visit her blog at http://elisabethcorcoran.blogspot.com/.

You can follow her on Twitter at ekcorcoran or friend her on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/people/Elisabeth-Klein-Corcoran/1301703500.
Watch Elisabeth and her friends spread hope through Africa with Samaritan’s Purse at http://www.vimeo.com/7919582.